••
♥
How is the economy affecting the Super Bowl?
There's no longer a coin toss, they have to play
rock, paper, scissors.
There's no longer a coin toss, they have to play
rock, paper, scissors.
••
"Did you hear about this?
The IRS has admitted they were targeting
conservative groups.
President Obama called it outrageous and said
he would immediately have his Benghazi
investigators look into it."
The IRS has admitted they were targeting
conservative groups.
President Obama called it outrageous and said
he would immediately have his Benghazi
investigators look into it."
••
South Carolina: A man walked into a local
police station, dropped a bag of cocaine on the
counter, informed the desk sergeant that it was
substandard cut, and asked that the person who
sold it to him be arrested immediately.
police station, dropped a bag of cocaine on the
counter, informed the desk sergeant that it was
substandard cut, and asked that the person who
sold it to him be arrested immediately.
••
Q. How do you get two bagpipes to play a
perfect unison?
A. Shoot one.
Q. How do you get two bagpipes to play a
perfect unison?
A. Shoot one.
••
After the fall in Garden of Eden, Adam was
walking with his sons Cain and Abel.
They passed by the ruins of the Garden of Eden.
One of the boys asked, "What's that?"
Adam replied, "Boys, that's where your mother
ate us out of house and home."
After the fall in Garden of Eden, Adam was
walking with his sons Cain and Abel.
They passed by the ruins of the Garden of Eden.
One of the boys asked, "What's that?"
Adam replied, "Boys, that's where your mother
ate us out of house and home."
••
From Time magazine, "Numbers" section:
$5 million:
Estimated annual cost for a 10-year program
that would identify large asteroids most
threatening to earth.
$75 million:
Budget for "Deep Impact", a film about the
devastation caused when a comet hits earth.
$5 million:
Estimated annual cost for a 10-year program
that would identify large asteroids most
threatening to earth.
$75 million:
Budget for "Deep Impact", a film about the
devastation caused when a comet hits earth.
••
Recently I answered the phone and it was a
sales person from a long distance company.
They asked for my late father by name.
"I'm sorry," I answered, "but he's dead."
Their reply, "May I leave a number in case the
situation changes?"
sales person from a long distance company.
They asked for my late father by name.
"I'm sorry," I answered, "but he's dead."
Their reply, "May I leave a number in case the
situation changes?"
••
Little Johnny sat playing in the garden.
When his mother came out to collect him,
she saw that he was slowly eating a worm.
She turned pale.
"No, Johnny! Stop! That's horrible!
You can't eat worms!"
Trying to convince him further, "Now the
mother worm is looking all over for her
nice baby-worm."
"No, she isn't," said Johnny.
"Why not?"
"Because I ate her first!"
When his mother came out to collect him,
she saw that he was slowly eating a worm.
She turned pale.
"No, Johnny! Stop! That's horrible!
You can't eat worms!"
Trying to convince him further, "Now the
mother worm is looking all over for her
nice baby-worm."
"No, she isn't," said Johnny.
"Why not?"
"Because I ate her first!"
••
Old guy goes to the Doctor and says
"I have water on my knee"
Doctor replies, "You need to work on your aim."
"I have water on my knee"
Doctor replies, "You need to work on your aim."
••
The church was conducting its annual fund
drive.
One member of the congregation said,
"I give ten dollars."
Just then, a piece of plaster fell from the ceiling
and landed on his head.
He spoke up again quickly.
"I give a thousand dollars!"
The minister said, "Lord, hit him again!"
The church was conducting its annual fund
drive.
One member of the congregation said,
"I give ten dollars."
Just then, a piece of plaster fell from the ceiling
and landed on his head.
He spoke up again quickly.
"I give a thousand dollars!"
The minister said, "Lord, hit him again!"
••
Bumper Sticker: ”Forget about world peace,
concentrate on using your turn signals.
concentrate on using your turn signals.
••
So the little kid is sitting on the toilet with
diarrhea and his Mom asks him if she can get
anything for him.
He says, "Yeah get me some viagra."
She says, "What do want viagra for?"
He says, "Isn't that what you give Dad when his
shit will not get hard."
diarrhea and his Mom asks him if she can get
anything for him.
He says, "Yeah get me some viagra."
She says, "What do want viagra for?"
He says, "Isn't that what you give Dad when his
shit will not get hard."
••••
