They will need the TP.....
••
♥
The phone at the reception desk of a hotel starts
ringing at 3.00 am.
The desk clerk answers and it’s a call from a
drunk, asking what time the bar opens.
The bar opens at noon’, answers the clerk.
An hour later, the same man calls again, he
sounds even drunker, but still wants to know
what time the bar opens.
’Same time as before’, replies the clerk.
Another hour passes, and the drunk calls again, ’
'Whatjoo shay the bar opens at ?’' he slurs.
The clerk, maintaining his composure, says
politely, ’It opens at noon sir, but if you really
can’t wait, I’ll have room service send you up a
drink’.
’I don’t wanna git IN the damned thing!!’,
he shouts, ’I wanna git OUT of it!!’
••
Q: Did you hear about the Jewish Santa Claus?
A: He comes down the chimney, wakes up the
children and says, "Hey kids, do you want to
buy some toys?"
A: He comes down the chimney, wakes up the
children and says, "Hey kids, do you want to
buy some toys?"
••
Never say anything on the phone that you
wouldn'twant your mother to hear at your trial.
- Sydney Biddle Barrows, the Mayflower Madam....
wouldn'twant your mother to hear at your trial.
- Sydney Biddle Barrows, the Mayflower Madam....
••
Bumper Sticker: ” I am sorry for driving so
close in front of you.”
close in front of you.”
••
The American in Hong Kong was talking to his
wife one evening over supper.
"Get this..." he chuckled, "That ridiculous
janitor of ours claims he's made love to every
woman in the building except one."
"Hmmmmmmmmm," said his wife, assuming
a thoughtful faraway type expression,
"must be that stuck-up Mrs. Stewart on the
eighth floor."
wife one evening over supper.
"Get this..." he chuckled, "That ridiculous
janitor of ours claims he's made love to every
woman in the building except one."
"Hmmmmmmmmm," said his wife, assuming
a thoughtful faraway type expression,
"must be that stuck-up Mrs. Stewart on the
eighth floor."
••
Q. What's the brown stuff between the elephants
toes ?
A. Slow natives.
toes ?
A. Slow natives.
••
You can listen to thunder after lightening and
tell how close you came to getting hit.
If you don't hear it you got hit, so never mind.
tell how close you came to getting hit.
If you don't hear it you got hit, so never mind.
••
Two men are having a conversation.
"I would like to see a woman dentist," said the
first man.
"Why?" asked his friend?
"Because it would be a pleasure to have a
woman say, 'open your mouth' instead of 'shut
up."
"I would like to see a woman dentist," said the
first man.
"Why?" asked his friend?
"Because it would be a pleasure to have a
woman say, 'open your mouth' instead of 'shut
up."
••
The other day I was mocking my wife,
"Why do you wear a bra?
You've got nothing to put in it."
Bitch replied, "You wear briefs, don't you?"
"Why do you wear a bra?
You've got nothing to put in it."
Bitch replied, "You wear briefs, don't you?"
••••
