••
♥
Diarrhea is hereditary...
it runs in your jeans.
••
A nudist girl wearing three raisins
A masquerade prize was her goal.
The judges said, "Lookie,
From the front she's a cookie,
And the back she's a Parker House roll.
A masquerade prize was her goal.
The judges said, "Lookie,
From the front she's a cookie,
And the back she's a Parker House roll.
••
If you really want something in life you have to
work for it; now quiet, they're about to
announce the lottery numbers.
work for it; now quiet, they're about to
announce the lottery numbers.
••
My mom made a real fuss when I got out of
prison, which I didn't mind.
But I think the inflatable doughnut on her
passenger seat was a bit much.
My mom made a real fuss when I got out of
prison, which I didn't mind.
But I think the inflatable doughnut on her
passenger seat was a bit much.
••
"They should take money from the wealthy and
give it to the poor.
That would serve economic equality",said the
good liberal in my local Starbucks.
I said "Great!!
And lets take those college degrees from the
smart and give them to high school dropouts.
That would fix the stupid problem too".
give it to the poor.
That would serve economic equality",said the
good liberal in my local Starbucks.
I said "Great!!
And lets take those college degrees from the
smart and give them to high school dropouts.
That would fix the stupid problem too".
••
An elderly man went to his doctor and said,
'Doc, I think I'm getting senile.
Several times lately, I have forgotten to zip up.'
'That's not senility,' replied the doctor.
'Senility is when you forget to zip down.'
'Doc, I think I'm getting senile.
Several times lately, I have forgotten to zip up.'
'That's not senility,' replied the doctor.
'Senility is when you forget to zip down.'
••
How do you get a one armed MAN out of a tree?
Wave at him.
Wave at him.
••
Joe was telling his buddy Jack about a recent
diagnosis of his high blood pressure.
"The doctors told me to quit eating red meat,"
Joe said, "Well, did you quit," asked Jack.
Joe replied, "Sure did.
You think I'm a dummy or something?
I haven't had a drop of ketchup on my
hamburgers since!"
diagnosis of his high blood pressure.
"The doctors told me to quit eating red meat,"
Joe said, "Well, did you quit," asked Jack.
Joe replied, "Sure did.
You think I'm a dummy or something?
I haven't had a drop of ketchup on my
hamburgers since!"
••
Never accept a drink from a urologist.
- Erma Bombeck
- Erma Bombeck
••
Proof that guys are gentlemen....
A bikini exposes 90% of a woman's body, yet
we stare at the covered areas.
A bikini exposes 90% of a woman's body, yet
we stare at the covered areas.
••
You Know You're In Alaska When...
when it warms up to -35 degrees(Fahrenheit)
and you go out in your shirt sleeves to wash
you car......
when you drive for a mile on square tires on
a -65 morning before they eventually become
normal......
when it warms up to -35 degrees(Fahrenheit)
and you go out in your shirt sleeves to wash
you car......
when you drive for a mile on square tires on
a -65 morning before they eventually become
normal......
••••
