••
♥
There was an old woman on a plane, sitting
next to the Pope.
It was stormy outside, and the plane was being
rocked by some severe turbulence.
So this kindly old lady looked upon Death's
door, and said to her papal neighbour.
'Father, surely you can do something about this...'
To which the Pope replied, 'Sorry lady, I'm in
sales, not management.'
next to the Pope.
It was stormy outside, and the plane was being
rocked by some severe turbulence.
So this kindly old lady looked upon Death's
door, and said to her papal neighbour.
'Father, surely you can do something about this...'
To which the Pope replied, 'Sorry lady, I'm in
sales, not management.'
••
Things are more like they are now than they
ever were before.
- Former U.S. President Dwight D. Eisenhower
ever were before.
- Former U.S. President Dwight D. Eisenhower
••
One Sunday in a Midwest city a young child
was acting up during the morning worship hour.
The parents did their best to maintain some
sense of order in the pew but were losing the
battle.
Finally, the father picked the little fellow up and
walked sternly up the aisle on his way out.
Just before reaching the safety of the foyer the
little one called loudly to the congregation,
"Pray for me!... Pray for me!"
was acting up during the morning worship hour.
The parents did their best to maintain some
sense of order in the pew but were losing the
battle.
Finally, the father picked the little fellow up and
walked sternly up the aisle on his way out.
Just before reaching the safety of the foyer the
little one called loudly to the congregation,
"Pray for me!... Pray for me!"
••
Have you ever been to an AA meeting?
No wonder these people are alcoholics --
I've never needed a drink more badly in my life.
No wonder these people are alcoholics --
I've never needed a drink more badly in my life.
••
Q: What's the best way to kill a man?
A: Put a naked woman and a six-pack in front
of him.
Then tell him to pick only one....
A: Put a naked woman and a six-pack in front
of him.
Then tell him to pick only one....
••
A site foreman had ten very lazy men working for
him, so one day he decided to trick them into doing
some work for a change.
"I've got a really easy job today for the laziest one
among you," he announced.
"Will the laziest man please put his hand up."
Nine hands went up.
"Why didn't you put your hand up?" he asked the
tenth man.
"Too much trouble," came the reply.
him, so one day he decided to trick them into doing
some work for a change.
"I've got a really easy job today for the laziest one
among you," he announced.
"Will the laziest man please put his hand up."
Nine hands went up.
"Why didn't you put your hand up?" he asked the
tenth man.
"Too much trouble," came the reply.
••
A mother was on the phone with her daughter:
“Oh darling, it’s so nice to hear from you.
It’s nice to know that I’m still needed after all
these years”
“Oh, Mother! You know how much we all love
you.”
“Why don’t you come see me sometimes?
I get so lonely here, dear.”
“Sure, Jack and I could come out and see you
next Thursday, perhaps.”
“Suzy, you are an angel.”
“I’m not Suzy!”
“Is this 780 1234?”
“No, I think you got the wrong number!”
“Does that mean you’re not coming to see me
next Thursday, dear?”
“Oh darling, it’s so nice to hear from you.
It’s nice to know that I’m still needed after all
these years”
“Oh, Mother! You know how much we all love
you.”
“Why don’t you come see me sometimes?
I get so lonely here, dear.”
“Sure, Jack and I could come out and see you
next Thursday, perhaps.”
“Suzy, you are an angel.”
“I’m not Suzy!”
“Is this 780 1234?”
“No, I think you got the wrong number!”
“Does that mean you’re not coming to see me
next Thursday, dear?”
••
I saw a documentary on how ships are kept
together; It was riveting.
together; It was riveting.
••
There's a new medical crisis.
Doctors are reporting that many men are
having allergic reactions to latex condoms.
They say they cause severe swelling.
So what's the problem? - Jay Leno
Doctors are reporting that many men are
having allergic reactions to latex condoms.
They say they cause severe swelling.
So what's the problem? - Jay Leno
••
When I was a child my father attacked me
with cameras; I still have flashbacks.
with cameras; I still have flashbacks.
♦♦♦♦
