••
♥
There are tickets still available for .........
the Robbie Knievel (son of Evel Knievel) event
at the Ford Center next weekend in Glendale,
AZ.
Robbie is going to try to jump over 1,000
Obama supporters with a Caterpillar D-9
bulldozer.
Should be a good time!
the Robbie Knievel (son of Evel Knievel) event
at the Ford Center next weekend in Glendale,
AZ.
Robbie is going to try to jump over 1,000
Obama supporters with a Caterpillar D-9
bulldozer.
Should be a good time!
••
Walking down main street in a very rural West
Virginia town, two local men met a Catholic
nun who's arm was in a sling.
"What's wrong with your arm, sister?"
asked one local Bubba.
"It's broken in three places," the nun replied.
"How did it happen?" asked the second West
Virginian, now wide-eyed.
"I slipped in a bathtub," answered the nun.
After leaving, the first local man asked the
other, "Bubba, what's a bathtub?"
"Heck, I don't know," said his friend,
"I ain't no Catholic!"
Virginia town, two local men met a Catholic
nun who's arm was in a sling.
"What's wrong with your arm, sister?"
asked one local Bubba.
"It's broken in three places," the nun replied.
"How did it happen?" asked the second West
Virginian, now wide-eyed.
"I slipped in a bathtub," answered the nun.
After leaving, the first local man asked the
other, "Bubba, what's a bathtub?"
"Heck, I don't know," said his friend,
"I ain't no Catholic!"
••
Brian received a phone call:
"HI, I'm phoning on behalf of the ------
Children's Workshop where we can help you
with special offers, ....etc"
I interrupted her and informed her that I didn't
have any children.
"Do you have any grandchildren???", she then
asked.
"HI, I'm phoning on behalf of the ------
Children's Workshop where we can help you
with special offers, ....etc"
I interrupted her and informed her that I didn't
have any children.
"Do you have any grandchildren???", she then
asked.
••
Chuck Norris can gargle peanut butter.
••
I spent 25 minutes waving to an old lady today,
Then I realised she was cleaning her windows.
Then I realised she was cleaning her windows.
••
Slogan of 105.9, the classic rock radio station
in Chicago: "Of all the radio stations in
Chicago...we're one of them."
in Chicago: "Of all the radio stations in
Chicago...we're one of them."
••
A little boy was overheard praying:
'Lord, if you can't make me a better boy, don't
worry about it.
I'm having a real good time like I am.'
'Lord, if you can't make me a better boy, don't
worry about it.
I'm having a real good time like I am.'
••
My wife used to have the habit of disbelieving
something with the phrase "my ass!"
She would say "Four hundred dollars,
my ass!" or "30 minutes late, my ass!"
One day a friend of mine and I were having a
conversation, which she was listening to,
and I said something like "...so it would be
easy to penetrate.."
She chimed in... "Penetrate my ass!"
My friend and I laughed so long and hard we
forgot what we were even talking about!
Needless to say, she doesn't say "my ass!" any
more.
something with the phrase "my ass!"
She would say "Four hundred dollars,
my ass!" or "30 minutes late, my ass!"
One day a friend of mine and I were having a
conversation, which she was listening to,
and I said something like "...so it would be
easy to penetrate.."
She chimed in... "Penetrate my ass!"
My friend and I laughed so long and hard we
forgot what we were even talking about!
Needless to say, she doesn't say "my ass!" any
more.
••
A doctor recently had a patient "drop" in on him
for an unscheduled appointment.
"What can I do for you today?" the Doctor asked.
The aged Gentleman replied: "Doctor, you must
help me.
Every time I make love to my wife, my eyes get
all bleary, my legs go weak, I can hardly catch
my breath.... Doctor, I'm scared!"
The Doctor, looking at his 86 year old patient,
said: "Mr. Smith, these sensations tend to
happen over time, especially to a man of your
advanced years, but tell me, when did you first
notice these symptoms?"
The old gent's response was: "Well... three times
last night, and twice again this morning!"
for an unscheduled appointment.
"What can I do for you today?" the Doctor asked.
The aged Gentleman replied: "Doctor, you must
help me.
Every time I make love to my wife, my eyes get
all bleary, my legs go weak, I can hardly catch
my breath.... Doctor, I'm scared!"
The Doctor, looking at his 86 year old patient,
said: "Mr. Smith, these sensations tend to
happen over time, especially to a man of your
advanced years, but tell me, when did you first
notice these symptoms?"
The old gent's response was: "Well... three times
last night, and twice again this morning!"
••
During a Lady's medical examination, the doctor
says: "Your heart, lungs, pulse and blood pressure
are all fine.
Now let me see the bit that gets you ladies into all
kinds of trouble."
The lady starts taking off her underwear but is
interrupted by the doctor.
"No! No! Don't remove your clothes...
Just stick out your tongue!"
••
A surgeon went to check on his patient after
an operation...
She was awake, so he examined her.
"You'll be fine," he said.
She asked, "How long will it be before I am
able to have a normal sex life again doctor?"
The surgeon seemed to pause, which alarmed
the girl.
"What's the matter Doctor? I will be all right,
won't I?"
He replied, "Yes, you'll be fine.
It's just that no one has ever asked me that after
having their tonsils out."
an operation...
She was awake, so he examined her.
"You'll be fine," he said.
She asked, "How long will it be before I am
able to have a normal sex life again doctor?"
The surgeon seemed to pause, which alarmed
the girl.
"What's the matter Doctor? I will be all right,
won't I?"
He replied, "Yes, you'll be fine.
It's just that no one has ever asked me that after
having their tonsils out."
••
I was chatting to a gorgeous girl in the pub
when she leaned over and kissed me.
"What did I do to deserve that?" I asked.
"I'm trying to get rid of you,"' she replied.
"You need to come up with a better plan then,"
I laughed, "I don't see how kissing me is a good
way of getting rid of me."
"It is when my psycho ex-boyfriend is watching,"
she smiled.
when she leaned over and kissed me.
"What did I do to deserve that?" I asked.
"I'm trying to get rid of you,"' she replied.
"You need to come up with a better plan then,"
I laughed, "I don't see how kissing me is a good
way of getting rid of me."
"It is when my psycho ex-boyfriend is watching,"
she smiled.
••
Good News, Bad News, Worse News.....
Good: Your husband understands fashion....
Bad: He's a crossdresser
Worse: He looks better than you.
Good: Your husband understands fashion....
Bad: He's a crossdresser
Worse: He looks better than you.
••••
