••
♥
I'm going to have to return this invisibility cloak
that I got for Christmas, I just can't see myself
wearing it.
••
A couple was having a discussion about what
to see and do now that they were safely in
Florida on their honeymoon.
Trying to assert himself rite off the bat, he
exploded, "If it weren't for my money, we
wouldn't be here at all!"
The wife replied, "My dear, if it weren't for
your money, not only would we not be in
Florida, we wouldn't on a honeymoon, nor
would there be any "we" in the first place."
to see and do now that they were safely in
Florida on their honeymoon.
Trying to assert himself rite off the bat, he
exploded, "If it weren't for my money, we
wouldn't be here at all!"
The wife replied, "My dear, if it weren't for
your money, not only would we not be in
Florida, we wouldn't on a honeymoon, nor
would there be any "we" in the first place."
••
I met the surgeon general.
He offered me a cigarette!
He offered me a cigarette!
••
A little girl and boy are fighting about the
differences between the sexes, and which one is
better.
Finally, the boy drops his pants and says,
“Here’s something I have that you’ll never have!”
The little girl is pretty upset by this, since it is
clearly true, and runs home crying.
A while later, she comes running back with a
smile on her face.
She drops her pants and says, “My mommy says
that with one of these, I can have as many of
those as I want!”
differences between the sexes, and which one is
better.
Finally, the boy drops his pants and says,
“Here’s something I have that you’ll never have!”
The little girl is pretty upset by this, since it is
clearly true, and runs home crying.
A while later, she comes running back with a
smile on her face.
She drops her pants and says, “My mommy says
that with one of these, I can have as many of
those as I want!”
••
You know you're a real dad when you discover
a kid's happy face sticker on the report you
were handing over to the boss.
a kid's happy face sticker on the report you
were handing over to the boss.
••
I was in bed watching the wife slip on her new
stiletto heels.
"Are you ready for the pain babe?" she giggled
and then handed over the receipt.
stiletto heels.
"Are you ready for the pain babe?" she giggled
and then handed over the receipt.
••
Evidence has been found that William Tell and
his family were avid bowlers.
Unfortunately, all the Swiss League records
were destroyed in a fire, . . . and so
we'll never know for whom the Tells bowled.
his family were avid bowlers.
Unfortunately, all the Swiss League records
were destroyed in a fire, . . . and so
we'll never know for whom the Tells bowled.
••
I tell ya, my wife was never nice.
On our first date, I asked her if I could give her
a goodnight kiss on the cheek - she bent over!
On our first date, I asked her if I could give her
a goodnight kiss on the cheek - she bent over!
••
A man went to see his doctor because he was
suffering from a miserable cold.
His doctor prescribed some pills, but they didn't
help.
On his next visit the doctor gave him a shot,
but that didn't do any good.
On his third visit the doctor told the man to go
home and take a hot bath.
As soon as he was finished bathing he was to
throw open all the windows and stand in the
draft.
"But doc," protested the patient, "if I do that,
I'll get pneumonia."
"I know," said his physician.
"I can cure pneumonia."
suffering from a miserable cold.
His doctor prescribed some pills, but they didn't
help.
On his next visit the doctor gave him a shot,
but that didn't do any good.
On his third visit the doctor told the man to go
home and take a hot bath.
As soon as he was finished bathing he was to
throw open all the windows and stand in the
draft.
"But doc," protested the patient, "if I do that,
I'll get pneumonia."
"I know," said his physician.
"I can cure pneumonia."
••
Years ago we discovered the exact point, the
dead center of middle age.
It occurs when you are too young to take up
golf and too old to rush up to the net.
dead center of middle age.
It occurs when you are too young to take up
golf and too old to rush up to the net.
••••
