••
♥
I went to Jared....
I hope she likes this Subway gift card....
••
After being with her all evening, the man couldn't take another minute with his blind
date.
Earlier, he had secretly arranged to have a
friend call him to the phone so he would have
an excuse to leave if something like this
happened.
When he returned to the table, he lowered his
eyes, put on a grim expression and said,
"I have some bad news.
My grandfather just died."
"Thank heavens," his date replied.
"If yours hadn't, mine would have had to!"
••
Sue said...
My husband gives himself bubble baths by eating beans for dinner.
••
A blind man was traveling in his private jet
when he detected something was wrong. He made his way to the cockpit and got no
response from his pilot.
The blind guy then found the radio and started
calling the tower.
"Help! Help!"
The tower came back and asked, "What's the
problem?"
The blind guy yelled, "Help me! I'm blind... the
pilot is dead, and we're flying upside down!"
The tower comes back and asked, "How do you
know you're upside down?"
"Because the shit is running down my back!"
••
my wife got me a new shirt and a pair of jeans for christmas.
I told her thanks,but i really wanted something
to play with.
She took the jeans and cut a hole in the pocket !!
••
A guy goes to a travel agent and books a
two-week cruisefor himself and his girlfriend.
A couple days before the cruise, the travel agent
calls and says the cruise has been canceled, but
he can get them on a three-day cruise instead.
The guy says "OK," and goes to the pharmacy to
buy three Dramamine and three condoms.
Next day, the agent calls back and says he now
can book a five-day cruise.
The guy says he'll take it.
Returns to the same pharmacy and buys two
more Dramamine and two more condoms.
The following day, the travel agent calls again
and says he can now book an eight-day cruise.
Guy says, "OK," and goes back to the drug store
and asks for three more Dramamine and three
more condoms.
Finally, the pharmacist asks, "Look, if it makes
you sick, how come you keep doing it?"
••
my ex girlfriend was a midget.....
She ran off with a basketball player. He was nuts over her.
••
Guys socialize by insulting each other but not
actually meaning it... Women socialize by complementing each other,
and they don't mean it either...
••
QUESTION: If you live in an igloo, what's the
worst thing about global warming?ANSWER: No privacy!
••••
