••
♥
During an extremely cold and snowy winter,
all the highway signs were buried in deep snow.
The following spring, the state decided to raise
all the signs twelve inches at a cost of six million
dollars.
“That’s an outrageous price!” said a local farmer,
“but I guess we’re lucky the state handled it
instead of the federal government.”
“Why’s that?”
“Because knowing the federal government,
they’d decided to lower the highways.”
all the highway signs were buried in deep snow.
The following spring, the state decided to raise
all the signs twelve inches at a cost of six million
dollars.
“That’s an outrageous price!” said a local farmer,
“but I guess we’re lucky the state handled it
instead of the federal government.”
“Why’s that?”
“Because knowing the federal government,
they’d decided to lower the highways.”
••
"Daddy," a little girl asked her father, "do all
fairy tales begin with 'Once upon a time'?"
"No, sweetheart," he answered.
"Some begin with If I am elected.''
fairy tales begin with 'Once upon a time'?"
"No, sweetheart," he answered.
"Some begin with If I am elected.''
••
Lynn said;
When I was six months pregnant with my third
child, my three year old came into the room
when I was just getting ready to get into the
shower.
She said, "Mommy, you are getting fat!"
I replied, "Yes, honey, remember Mommy has
a baby growing in her tummy."
"I know," she replied, "but what is growing in
your butt?"
When I was six months pregnant with my third
child, my three year old came into the room
when I was just getting ready to get into the
shower.
She said, "Mommy, you are getting fat!"
I replied, "Yes, honey, remember Mommy has
a baby growing in her tummy."
"I know," she replied, "but what is growing in
your butt?"
••
Q: Ever wonder about people who pay $2 for a
bottle of Evian water?
A: Just spell "Evian" backwards!
bottle of Evian water?
A: Just spell "Evian" backwards!
••
"I was in a very generous mood today," a
woman says to her friend.
"I gave a poor beggar $25."
"That's a lot of money to give away," says her
friend.
"What did your husband say?"
"He said, Thank you."
woman says to her friend.
"I gave a poor beggar $25."
"That's a lot of money to give away," says her
friend.
"What did your husband say?"
"He said, Thank you."
••
Unfortunately I wasn't nominated for an Oscar
again this year.
Apparently you have to be in a movie to get one
now.
again this year.
Apparently you have to be in a movie to get one
now.
••
During the Civil War, General Ulysses S. Grant
wasn't impressed by a fellow officer, even
though it was pointed out that the other man
had served in ten campaigns.
So has that mule over there, Grant countered,
but he's still a jackass, isn't he?
wasn't impressed by a fellow officer, even
though it was pointed out that the other man
had served in ten campaigns.
So has that mule over there, Grant countered,
but he's still a jackass, isn't he?
••
Whats the difference between a regular toad
and a horney toad?
A regular toad croaks "Ribbit Ribbit" while
a horney toad croaks "Rub-it Rub-it"...
and a horney toad?
A regular toad croaks "Ribbit Ribbit" while
a horney toad croaks "Rub-it Rub-it"...
••
Why is Washington called the District of
"Columbia"?
Because its namesake, Christopher Columbus,
didn’t know where he was going, didn’t know
where he was when he got there, and he did it
all on borrowed money!
"Columbia"?
Because its namesake, Christopher Columbus,
didn’t know where he was going, didn’t know
where he was when he got there, and he did it
all on borrowed money!
••
A cop pulls a woman over and says, "Let me
see your driver's license, lady."
The woman replies, "I wish you people would
get it together.
One day you take away my license and the next
day you ask me to show it."
see your driver's license, lady."
The woman replies, "I wish you people would
get it together.
One day you take away my license and the next
day you ask me to show it."
••
What is the difference between a dog and a fox?
Eight beers.
Eight beers.
••••
