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♥
Census Taker: 'How many children do you have?'
Woman: 'Four.'
Census Taker: 'May I have their names, please?'
Woman: 'Eenie, Meenie, Minie and George.'
Census Taker: 'Okay, that's fine.
But may I ask why you named your fourth
child George?'
Woman: 'Because we didn't want any Moe.'
Woman: 'Four.'
Census Taker: 'May I have their names, please?'
Woman: 'Eenie, Meenie, Minie and George.'
Census Taker: 'Okay, that's fine.
But may I ask why you named your fourth
child George?'
Woman: 'Because we didn't want any Moe.'
••
Two boys received as a gift a Kreepy Krauly
oven, a small oven used to bake plastic bugs.
The boys prepared the first tray of bugs and slid
it into the oven to bake.
The younger one, Ian asked his older brother
Alex, if he could look through the clear plastic
window at the top of the oven to watch the
baking in progress.
"No," Alex replied, "you don't have the right
kind of eyes.
It says right here that you need adult
supervision."
Two boys received as a gift a Kreepy Krauly
oven, a small oven used to bake plastic bugs.
The boys prepared the first tray of bugs and slid
it into the oven to bake.
The younger one, Ian asked his older brother
Alex, if he could look through the clear plastic
window at the top of the oven to watch the
baking in progress.
"No," Alex replied, "you don't have the right
kind of eyes.
It says right here that you need adult
supervision."
••
Mr.Richman has 3 daughters.
Their names are nobody, somebody and
crazy.
One day nobody and somebody are fighting
over a fake eyebrow.
Then crazy went to the policeman and she
said"Nobody and Somebody are fighting"
Then the policeman looked at her then he
said "What are you talking about?"
Then she said again "Nobody and Somebody
are fighting"
Then the policeman said "What? Are you
crazy?"
Then she said "Yes but how did you know my
name?"
Their names are nobody, somebody and
crazy.
One day nobody and somebody are fighting
over a fake eyebrow.
Then crazy went to the policeman and she
said"Nobody and Somebody are fighting"
Then the policeman looked at her then he
said "What are you talking about?"
Then she said again "Nobody and Somebody
are fighting"
Then the policeman said "What? Are you
crazy?"
Then she said "Yes but how did you know my
name?"
••
Jacques LeFevrier left nothing to chance
when he decided to commit suicide.
He stood at the top of a tall cliff and
tied a noose around his neck.
He tied the other end of the rope to a large
rock.
He drank some poison and set fire to his
clothes.
He even tried to shoot himself at the last
moment.
He jumped and fired the pistol.
The bullet missed him and cut through the
rope above him.
Free of the threat of hanging, he plunged into
the sea.
The sudden dunking extinguished the flames
and made him vomit the poison.
He was dragged out of the
water by a kind fisherman and was taken to
hospital, where he died ... of exposure!
when he decided to commit suicide.
He stood at the top of a tall cliff and
tied a noose around his neck.
He tied the other end of the rope to a large
rock.
He drank some poison and set fire to his
clothes.
He even tried to shoot himself at the last
moment.
He jumped and fired the pistol.
The bullet missed him and cut through the
rope above him.
Free of the threat of hanging, he plunged into
the sea.
The sudden dunking extinguished the flames
and made him vomit the poison.
He was dragged out of the
water by a kind fisherman and was taken to
hospital, where he died ... of exposure!
••
I'm not saying my wife talks too much or
anything,
But she uses a special SPF 30 sunblock for
her tongue.
anything,
But she uses a special SPF 30 sunblock for
her tongue.
••
Wife gets naked and asks hubby, "What turns
you on more, my pretty face or my sexy body?"
Hubby looks her up and down and replies,
"Your sense of humor."
you on more, my pretty face or my sexy body?"
Hubby looks her up and down and replies,
"Your sense of humor."
••
My brother's retired in-laws decided to spice-up
their love life.
So, to do that he takes vitamin E and she takes
iron...So now, when he's "ready," she's RUSTY!! ;)
their love life.
So, to do that he takes vitamin E and she takes
iron...So now, when he's "ready," she's RUSTY!! ;)
••
A man in Orange County Municipal Court
had been ticketed for driving alone in the
carpool lane.
He claimed that the four frozen cadavers in
the mortuary van he was driving should be
counted.
The judge ruled that passengers must be
alive to qualify.
had been ticketed for driving alone in the
carpool lane.
He claimed that the four frozen cadavers in
the mortuary van he was driving should be
counted.
The judge ruled that passengers must be
alive to qualify.
••
An unbreakable toy is useful for breaking
other toys.
other toys.
••
Any man who thinks marriage is a 50/50
proposition proves that:
Either he knows nothing at all about
percentages, (or) he's got an awful lot to learn
about both women and marriage.
proposition proves that:
Either he knows nothing at all about
percentages, (or) he's got an awful lot to learn
about both women and marriage.
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