••
♥
Bumper sticker seen on a stealth bomber:
"If you can read this, then we wasted 50 billion
bucks."
••
A first-grade teacher was overseeing her
students as they experimented with their desk
computers.
One boy sat staring at the screen, unsure how
to get the computer going.
The teacher walked over and read what was on
his screen.
In her most reassuring voice, she said,
"The computer wants to know what your name
is," then she walked over to the next child.
The boy leaned toward the screen and
whispered, "My name is David."
students as they experimented with their desk
computers.
One boy sat staring at the screen, unsure how
to get the computer going.
The teacher walked over and read what was on
his screen.
In her most reassuring voice, she said,
"The computer wants to know what your name
is," then she walked over to the next child.
The boy leaned toward the screen and
whispered, "My name is David."
••
If at first you don't succeed -- give up!
No use being a damn fool.
No use being a damn fool.
••
USAir recently introduced a special half fare
for wives who accompanied their husbands
on business trips.
Expecting valuable testimonials,
the PR department sent out letters to all the
wives of businessmen who had used the
special rates, asking how they enjoyed their
trip.
Letters are still pouring in asking, "What trip?"
for wives who accompanied their husbands
on business trips.
Expecting valuable testimonials,
the PR department sent out letters to all the
wives of businessmen who had used the
special rates, asking how they enjoyed their
trip.
Letters are still pouring in asking, "What trip?"
••
How am I supposed to adopt healthy eating
habits when the damn salad falls out of my Big
Macs?
habits when the damn salad falls out of my Big
Macs?
••
An old man goes into the Social Security Office
and fills out an application.
Too old to have a birth certificate, he is asked
to prove he is old enough.
He opens his shirt and shows them the gray
hair on his chest and they accept that as proof.
He goes home to his wife, show's her the check,
and explains to her what has happened.
She replies, "Well get back down there, pull
down your pants, and see if you can get
disability!"
and fills out an application.
Too old to have a birth certificate, he is asked
to prove he is old enough.
He opens his shirt and shows them the gray
hair on his chest and they accept that as proof.
He goes home to his wife, show's her the check,
and explains to her what has happened.
She replies, "Well get back down there, pull
down your pants, and see if you can get
disability!"
••
BBC: Burial space could run out in 20 years
Hope this doesn't lead to panic dying...
Hope this doesn't lead to panic dying...
••
Two Irishmen are sitting in a small town bar,
where Mick bragged to Sean, "You know,
I had me every woman in this town, except of
course, me mother and me sister."
"Well," Sean replied, "between you and me we
got 'em all."
where Mick bragged to Sean, "You know,
I had me every woman in this town, except of
course, me mother and me sister."
"Well," Sean replied, "between you and me we
got 'em all."
••
An economist is a trained professional paid to
guess wrong about the economy.
An econometrician is a trained professional
paid to use computers to guess wrong about
the economy.
guess wrong about the economy.
An econometrician is a trained professional
paid to use computers to guess wrong about
the economy.
••
Talk is cheap...... Supply exceeds Demand.
••
Jake is 85, and he gets married to a
16-year-old.
He walks into the local bar when he gets back
from his honeymoon, and all the guys want
to hear about his wedding night.
Jake says, "Well, when we got to the hotel,
my youngest son carried me up the stairs,
undressed me, and lifted me onto the bed
with my bride, so's me and her could spend
the night together.
The next morning all three of my sons came
upstairs and lifted me off of her."
The bartender says, "Why did it take three
sons to get you off?"
Jake says, "I fought 'em."
16-year-old.
He walks into the local bar when he gets back
from his honeymoon, and all the guys want
to hear about his wedding night.
Jake says, "Well, when we got to the hotel,
my youngest son carried me up the stairs,
undressed me, and lifted me onto the bed
with my bride, so's me and her could spend
the night together.
The next morning all three of my sons came
upstairs and lifted me off of her."
The bartender says, "Why did it take three
sons to get you off?"
Jake says, "I fought 'em."
••••
