••
♥
Bridgegate resolved.....
It was all a big misunderstanding.
Last September Chris Christie was losing
weight.
He told Deputy Chief Kelly to 'Close the fridge".
She simply heard "'close the bridge".
It was all a big misunderstanding.
Last September Chris Christie was losing
weight.
He told Deputy Chief Kelly to 'Close the fridge".
She simply heard "'close the bridge".
••
A driver, obviously drunk, was heading the
wrong way down a one-way street when a
policeman pulled him over.
"Didn't you see the arrow, buddy?" he asked.
"An arrow?" the confused driver said.
"I didn't even see the Indians.....
wrong way down a one-way street when a
policeman pulled him over.
"Didn't you see the arrow, buddy?" he asked.
"An arrow?" the confused driver said.
"I didn't even see the Indians.....
••
The shy young man is thinking about asking
his girl to marry him, but he doesn't know how
to say it, so he decides to ask his father how he
asked his mother.
"Dad, what did you say to Mom when she
married you?"
"I only said 'OH, NO!!!' and then we got
married the next day."
his girl to marry him, but he doesn't know how
to say it, so he decides to ask his father how he
asked his mother.
"Dad, what did you say to Mom when she
married you?"
"I only said 'OH, NO!!!' and then we got
married the next day."
••
Big gas transport stopped at RR crossing....
sign on the rear of the trailer is:
"This vehicle stops at all Railroad Crossings,
Blondes, Brunettes and . . . .will back up a mile
for a Red Head"
sign on the rear of the trailer is:
"This vehicle stops at all Railroad Crossings,
Blondes, Brunettes and . . . .will back up a mile
for a Red Head"
••
A famous polish pianist was at a dinner, when
a famous polo player recognized him and
started praising him.
The pianist praised the polo player too.
Pianist: “The difference between us is perfectly
clear.
You are a dear soul who plays polo, while I’m
a poor pole who plays solo.....
a famous polo player recognized him and
started praising him.
The pianist praised the polo player too.
Pianist: “The difference between us is perfectly
clear.
You are a dear soul who plays polo, while I’m
a poor pole who plays solo.....
••
Jokes about German sausage are the wurst.
••
If you're offended by words written on the
internet by someone you don't know, you need
to re evaluate yourself.
internet by someone you don't know, you need
to re evaluate yourself.
••
A guy is walking around in a supermarket
yelling, "Cris-co, Cris-co?"
A store clerk says to him, "Sir, the Crisco is in
Aisle Five."
He says, "I'm not looking for cooking Crisco,
I'm calling my wife."
The clerk says, "Your wife is named Crisco'?"
He says, "No, I only call her that in public."
The clerk says, "What do you call her when
you're home?"
He says, "Lard ass."
yelling, "Cris-co, Cris-co?"
A store clerk says to him, "Sir, the Crisco is in
Aisle Five."
He says, "I'm not looking for cooking Crisco,
I'm calling my wife."
The clerk says, "Your wife is named Crisco'?"
He says, "No, I only call her that in public."
The clerk says, "What do you call her when
you're home?"
He says, "Lard ass."
••
A mother is with her 5 year old boy at the zoo
when they reach the elephant cage.
The 5 year old boy looks with amazement at the
large beast and says to his Mom, "What's that
long thing hanging down from the elephant?"
Mom replies "That's his trunk."
The little boy goes, "I know that, the thing to
the other side of the trunk."
The Mom replies "Oh, that's his tail."
The boy goes, "I know that!
No, what's that big thing hanging down in
between the trunk and tail."
Mother, wanting to avoid this subject at all
costs, just says "Oh, that's nothing" and whisks
him off to the next exhibit.
Two weeks later he goes to the same zoo with
his dad.
They are at the elephant exhibit and he asks his
dad "What's that long thing hanging down from
the elephant?"
The dad replies, "That's his trunk."
"No, behind that!" says the kid.
"Oh, well that's his tail" replies the father.
"NO, in-between the trunk and the tail!" yells
the kid.
Dad replies, "Son, that's the elephant's penis."
The kid, a bit puzzled, tells his dad, "But Mom
said it was nothing."
Dad replied, "Well, your mom's been spoiled."
when they reach the elephant cage.
The 5 year old boy looks with amazement at the
large beast and says to his Mom, "What's that
long thing hanging down from the elephant?"
Mom replies "That's his trunk."
The little boy goes, "I know that, the thing to
the other side of the trunk."
The Mom replies "Oh, that's his tail."
The boy goes, "I know that!
No, what's that big thing hanging down in
between the trunk and tail."
Mother, wanting to avoid this subject at all
costs, just says "Oh, that's nothing" and whisks
him off to the next exhibit.
Two weeks later he goes to the same zoo with
his dad.
They are at the elephant exhibit and he asks his
dad "What's that long thing hanging down from
the elephant?"
The dad replies, "That's his trunk."
"No, behind that!" says the kid.
"Oh, well that's his tail" replies the father.
"NO, in-between the trunk and the tail!" yells
the kid.
Dad replies, "Son, that's the elephant's penis."
The kid, a bit puzzled, tells his dad, "But Mom
said it was nothing."
Dad replied, "Well, your mom's been spoiled."
••
The label on a box of a clockwork toy made in
Hong Kong:
GUARANTEED TO WORK THROUGHOUT
ITS USEFUL LIFE.
Hong Kong:
GUARANTEED TO WORK THROUGHOUT
ITS USEFUL LIFE.
••
A new study says that it actually takes men
longer to shop on the internet then it does
for them to shop in an actual store.
Well of course! There's no naked women at
the stores.
longer to shop on the internet then it does
for them to shop in an actual store.
Well of course! There's no naked women at
the stores.
••••
