••
♥
the woman asks her husband, "Honey, has
anyone ever told you how handsome, sexy and
irresistible to women you are?"
The flattered husband said, "No, dear they
haven't."
The wife yells, "Then what the heck gave you
THAT idea at the party tonight?"
••
A lady on a commuter train was reading a
newspaper article about life and death statistics.Fascinated, she turned to the man next to her
and asked, "Did you know that every time I
breathe somebody dies?"
"Really," he said, "have you tried mouthwash?"
••
"The day I worry about cleaning my house is
the day Sears comes out with a riding vacuum cleaner - Roseanne
••
After the third day of a really torrid honeymoon,
the young couple finally emerged from their room and walked into the hotel restaurant.
After they were seated, the waiter came over to
get their orders.
The new husband looked at his bride and said,
"You know what I really feel like honey ?"
"Well sure," she blushed, "But we gotta eat
sometime !"
••
An old couple prepares to go to sleep. The man gets in bed, but the woman lies down
on the floor.
The old man asks, "Why are you on the floor?"
The old woman says, "Because I want to feel
something hard for a change."
••
The local priest came across Paddy who had
stumbled out of the town tavern."Paddy," he said, " I'm afraid I'll not be seeing
you in Heaven one day."
"Really, Father?" slurred Paddy.
"What have you done?"
••
They just found out Clinton's been stuffing turf
in her underpants.They're for grass roots support.
••
At a dinner party, one of the guests, an
obnoxiously loud young man, tried to make clever remarks about everyone and everything.
When he was served a piece of meat, he picked
it up with his fork, held it up and smirked:
'Is this pig?'
Another guest, sitting opposite, asked quietly:
'Which end of the fork are you referring to?'
••
My friend Flex just told me that he robbed a
shop last night."What did you get?" I asked.
"26 pictures," he smiled, showing me.
"The cheapest one is worth over $180,000."
I said, "Dude, these are from an estate agents."
••
They think they can make fuel from horse
manure... Now I don't know if your car will be able to get
thirty miles to the gallon, but it's sure
gonna put a stop to siphoning.
••••
