Down Hummingbird Lane

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♥

 

When my fiancé proposed it was very romantic.
He turned off the TV.

Well, he muted it, During the commercial....

 

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China-Fake Viagra, fake iPads, fake perfume,
fake trainers, fake handbags, fake watches,
fake DVDs...
But their recent moon landing was real right?

 

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Vampire teeth: check.
 Cape: check.
 Hollowed out pumpkin: check.
 Trick or Treat Bag: check.
 OK, it's time to go out and confuse old people.

 

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I used to not get on with my mother-in-law,

but over the last few months
I've developed quite an attachment for her.
It goes over her head and a strap comes down
under her chin to keep her mouth shut!

 

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What's the best form of birth control after 50?
Nudity....

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I cannot dance to well...but I was in a customers
yard today measuring for a fence...stepped in
some dog poop....
I was moon walking better than
Michael Jackson!

 

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 If Santa's helper takes a picture in the mirror,
is that an elfie?

 

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Settled down to watch Obama at the Mandela
gig with my deaf wife the other day.
Apparently, Space Shuttle Atlantis is due to have
a baby next buffalo.

 

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My wife complained that I never lifted a finger
to help around the house.
So I lifted a finger.
Apparently, it was the wrong one....

 

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Every so often, I like to stick my head out the
window, look up, and smile for a satellite picture.

 

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Sam Tinkleman sat on the examining table in
the office of Dr. Rosenstein, the world-famous
urologist.
"My trouble," said Tinkleman, "is that I can't
pee."
"How old are you?" asked the doctor.
Tinkleman said, "I'm one hundred and seven."
"Well," said Rosenstein, "you peed enough!"

 

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