••
♥
What's the difference between Osama bin Laden
and Christmas?
This time next year, there will still be a
Christmas.
and Christmas?
This time next year, there will still be a
Christmas.
••
For the Holidays.......
My wife mixes Tuna Helper with Hamburger
Helper.
She calls it 'Surf & Turf'.
My wife mixes Tuna Helper with Hamburger
Helper.
She calls it 'Surf & Turf'.
••
The worst thing about Christmas Dinner is that
my Wife insists that I pay her Mother a
compliment during dinner.
Furthermore, she says the compliment must
not be a lie, and I must mean it sincerely.
You have NO idea how hard that job is for me
every year.
Best I've got for this upcoming dinner is;
'You sure don't sweat much for a fat woman'.
I'll let you know how it goes.
The worst thing about Christmas Dinner is that
my Wife insists that I pay her Mother a
compliment during dinner.
Furthermore, she says the compliment must
not be a lie, and I must mean it sincerely.
You have NO idea how hard that job is for me
every year.
Best I've got for this upcoming dinner is;
'You sure don't sweat much for a fat woman'.
I'll let you know how it goes.
••
If you want to hear a listing of every flaw you
have, just tell your wife that it looks like she's
put on a couple of pounds.
have, just tell your wife that it looks like she's
put on a couple of pounds.
••
During the Holidays......
People seem to treat others differently than
during the rest of the year.
But my Mother taught me at an early age that I
must treat everyone I meet in this life...just as if
they were my very own Brother.
That, however, has not worked well for me as
an adult.
Because some people seem to get really pissed
when you wrestle them to the floor and make
them eat a dog-food sandwich.
People seem to treat others differently than
during the rest of the year.
But my Mother taught me at an early age that I
must treat everyone I meet in this life...just as if
they were my very own Brother.
That, however, has not worked well for me as
an adult.
Because some people seem to get really pissed
when you wrestle them to the floor and make
them eat a dog-food sandwich.
••
I went to the Canary Islands on holiday this
year, didn't see one canary.
Going to the Virgin Islands next year, can't
wait.
year, didn't see one canary.
Going to the Virgin Islands next year, can't
wait.
••
A rancher from Central Arizona died and went
on to the Great Beyond.
As he approached the great gate, he noticed
that the terrain was bare with no greenery.
He remarked to the gate keeper, "Howdy Saint
Peter.
Say, this looks just like Arizona."
"The gatekeeper replied, "First of all, I'm not
Saint Peter...and second, you really don't know
where you are at all, do you?"
on to the Great Beyond.
As he approached the great gate, he noticed
that the terrain was bare with no greenery.
He remarked to the gate keeper, "Howdy Saint
Peter.
Say, this looks just like Arizona."
"The gatekeeper replied, "First of all, I'm not
Saint Peter...and second, you really don't know
where you are at all, do you?"
••
I'm glad I used CarFax.
I almost bought a car that had been totaled and
was in a flood.
That service is fantastic.
I wish they had a similar service for checking
out women.
Maybe called 'LadyFax'.
This why you could find out how damaged they
are, and maybe which parts have been replaced
as well as their actual mileage.
I almost bought a car that had been totaled and
was in a flood.
That service is fantastic.
I wish they had a similar service for checking
out women.
Maybe called 'LadyFax'.
This why you could find out how damaged they
are, and maybe which parts have been replaced
as well as their actual mileage.
••
There was a guy caught on the Mexican border
with $128,000 in his socks.
The guy is kind of stupid though.
The Border Patrol asked, "Why did you stick all
the money in your socks?"
He said, "Because I'm using my rectum for
drugs!"
with $128,000 in his socks.
The guy is kind of stupid though.
The Border Patrol asked, "Why did you stick all
the money in your socks?"
He said, "Because I'm using my rectum for
drugs!"
••
“My skiing skills are really going downhill.”
••••
