••
♥
WARNING: After a recent wave of identify
thefts, the FBI estimates there are over 500
fake Obamacare websites set up for the sole
purpose of stealing your personal information.
So protect yourself and remember: the real
one is the one that doesn't work.
thefts, the FBI estimates there are over 500
fake Obamacare websites set up for the sole
purpose of stealing your personal information.
So protect yourself and remember: the real
one is the one that doesn't work.
••
So, one night Ole was sitting reading the paper
when he looked out the window and saw that
his barn was on fire.
So Ole quick jumped up and called the fire
department and said, "Hurry, come quick, my
barn's burnin' down!"
The fire chief replied, "Ole, slow down.
Now how do we get there?"
And Ole said, "Well don't you have that little
red truck anymore?"
when he looked out the window and saw that
his barn was on fire.
So Ole quick jumped up and called the fire
department and said, "Hurry, come quick, my
barn's burnin' down!"
The fire chief replied, "Ole, slow down.
Now how do we get there?"
And Ole said, "Well don't you have that little
red truck anymore?"
••
The beautiful eighteen-year-old girl sobbed
hysterically at the funeral service of her seventy-five
-year-old husband.
She confided in a friend, "We had such a happy
marriage for the three months it lasted.
Every Sunday morning he would make love to me,
keeping time with the rhythm of the church bells."
She sobbed again, then added, "If that fire engine
hadn't clanged by, he'd be alive today."
hysterically at the funeral service of her seventy-five
-year-old husband.
She confided in a friend, "We had such a happy
marriage for the three months it lasted.
Every Sunday morning he would make love to me,
keeping time with the rhythm of the church bells."
She sobbed again, then added, "If that fire engine
hadn't clanged by, he'd be alive today."
••
A strapping young pirate named Bates
once tried to disco on skates.
He fell on his cutlass
and now he is nutless
and practically useless on dates.
once tried to disco on skates.
He fell on his cutlass
and now he is nutless
and practically useless on dates.
••
Texan prisons have banned convicts on death
row from having a last cigarette, on the
grounds that it is bad for their health.
However, to compensate for this, condemned
men will instead be permitted to chew a stick
of celery.
row from having a last cigarette, on the
grounds that it is bad for their health.
However, to compensate for this, condemned
men will instead be permitted to chew a stick
of celery.
••
I was at the airport, checking in at the gate,
when the airport employee asked,
"Has anyone put anything in your baggage
without your knowledge?"
I said, "If it was without my knowledge,
how would I know?"
He smiled and nodded knowingly,
"That's why we ask."
when the airport employee asked,
"Has anyone put anything in your baggage
without your knowledge?"
I said, "If it was without my knowledge,
how would I know?"
He smiled and nodded knowingly,
"That's why we ask."
••
The most amazing thing about the internet is
how it allows you, with the click of a few buttons,
to do absolutely nothing with your life.
how it allows you, with the click of a few buttons,
to do absolutely nothing with your life.
••
Growing Up in a Big Family...
They go, Well, you learn a lot about life growing up
in a big family, dont you?
Yeah, I learned that I'm replaceable.
They go, Well, you learn a lot about life growing up
in a big family, dont you?
Yeah, I learned that I'm replaceable.
••
Taylor was desperate for business, and was
happy to be appointed by the court to defend
an indigent defendant.
The judge ordered Taylor, "You are to confer
with the defendant in the hallway, and give
him the best legal advice you can."
After a time, Taylor re-entered the courtroom
alone.
When the judge asked where the defendant
had gone, Taylor replied, "You asked me to
give him good advice.
I found out that he was guilty as hell, so I
told him to split."
Taylor was desperate for business, and was
happy to be appointed by the court to defend
an indigent defendant.
The judge ordered Taylor, "You are to confer
with the defendant in the hallway, and give
him the best legal advice you can."
After a time, Taylor re-entered the courtroom
alone.
When the judge asked where the defendant
had gone, Taylor replied, "You asked me to
give him good advice.
I found out that he was guilty as hell, so I
told him to split."
••
A man goes into a bar and sits down to have a
drink....he notices that at the other end of the bar
is the most attractive woman he has ever seen....
he is immediately lust-struck and decides that he
must have her....He leans over to the bartender and
asks if the bartender has any Spanish-fly in the back....
the bartender says he will check and comes
back a couple of minutes later with a small packet
of white powder....he says to the man..."this isn't
Spanish-fly, we are all out of that....but this is just
as good....this is Jewish-fly, and it is guaranteed to
get her over here within twenty minutes after she
takes it!"
So the man forks over his $10 and asks the
bartender to put the Jewish-fly into a champagne
cocktail and deliver it to the gorgeous creature with his
his compliments.....
The woman drinks the champagne cocktail and
looks at our hero rather disinterestedly.....
but about twenty minutes later she slinks off her
barstool....she saunters across the room toward
our hero in a most seductive manner....
oozing sensuality....our hero is terrifically excited....
she reaches him and puts one lithe arm around his
shoulders and leans in close to his ear...
he can feel her breath on his neck....and she
whispers "Hey big boy....want to go shopping?"
drink....he notices that at the other end of the bar
is the most attractive woman he has ever seen....
he is immediately lust-struck and decides that he
must have her....He leans over to the bartender and
asks if the bartender has any Spanish-fly in the back....
the bartender says he will check and comes
back a couple of minutes later with a small packet
of white powder....he says to the man..."this isn't
Spanish-fly, we are all out of that....but this is just
as good....this is Jewish-fly, and it is guaranteed to
get her over here within twenty minutes after she
takes it!"
So the man forks over his $10 and asks the
bartender to put the Jewish-fly into a champagne
cocktail and deliver it to the gorgeous creature with his
his compliments.....
The woman drinks the champagne cocktail and
looks at our hero rather disinterestedly.....
but about twenty minutes later she slinks off her
barstool....she saunters across the room toward
our hero in a most seductive manner....
oozing sensuality....our hero is terrifically excited....
she reaches him and puts one lithe arm around his
shoulders and leans in close to his ear...
he can feel her breath on his neck....and she
whispers "Hey big boy....want to go shopping?"
••
I want one of those jobs where people ask,
"Do you actually get paid for doing this?"
"Do you actually get paid for doing this?"
••••
