Down Hummingbird Lane

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♥

The convent had been presented with a new car,
a red Mini Metro, the pride of its breed.
Sister Lucy, the only qualified driver, became
the chauffer.
Every Saturday she would drive the Reverend
Mother into town for the shopping.
All went well until a holiday weekend when the
town was so packed with people and cars that it
became evident that there was no earthly place
to park.
"Don't worry, Reverend Mother," said Sister
Lucy.
"You go into the supermarket and I'll drive
around the block until you come out."
Off sped the car, and the Reverend Mother
bustled around the store shopping quickly,
then rushing back to the curbside.
There she stood for five minutes, ten, twenty.
No sign of Sister Lucy.
Where could she be?
Eventually the Reverend Mother approached a
patrolling policeman.
"Excuse me, Officer," she said.
"Have you seen a nun in a red mini?"
"No," replied the officer, "but these days nothing
would surprise me!"

 

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I had a heart attack...
They took me to a crappy hospital.
I got stuck with a really mean nurse.
She pulled out my catheter like she was trying
to start a lawnmower. 

 

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I live life in the fast lane but I'm married to a
speed bump......

 

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An employer was taking interview of a
prospective candidate.
Employer: “Have you ever worked anywhere
else?”
Candidate: “Yes, sir.”
Employer: “For how long?”
Candidate: “Twenty years.”
Employer: “And how old are you?”
Candidate: “Twenty five years, sir.”
Employer: “How is it possible that you are all
of twenty five and you have worked for twenty
years?”
Candidate: “I was taking overtime,sir..

 

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Laughing helps. It's like jogging on the inside.

 

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A race to the South Pole featuring Prince Harry
has been abandoned due to harsh conditions.
Apparently It's snowing and a bit cold!

 

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Close call....
My Mother-in-law found a large lump in her
breast yesterday.
Turns out it was just her belt buckle. 

 

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Google can be so presumptuous.....
My wife was going to do a Google search on my
computer and as soon as she typed the letter "a"
an auto fill box popped up with the phrase
"Asian ass lesbian porn in schoolgirl uniforms
and ponytails."
She looked at me and shrugged and said "wow,
what are the odds?"

 

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The funniest thing about you reading this is
that by the time you realize it doesn't say
anything it's too late for you to stop reading it.

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Easy Bake Oven my ass. . .
This bacon is taking FOREVER!!!!!!!

 

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