Down Hummingbird Lane

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♥

 

How is it possible that they can track every
cellphone in the world but can't build a
healthcare website?
Maybe they should put the NSA in charge of
Obamacare.

 

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By the time a person in the United States is 65
years old, he would have seen an estimated two
million television commercials.

 

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I remember the very worst beating I got from
my Father when I was a kid was related to
hemorrhoids.
You see, as a practical joke....I decided to switch
his suppositories with some raspberry fizzies.

 

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An old man says to the doctor: “Doctor, I lost
my memory!”
Doctor: “When did this start?”
The old man: “When did what start!”

 

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After all these years of trying I've finally found
my wife's G spot.
Would you believe her sister had it all this time!!
 

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My friend had been on the Kidney Transplant
waiting list for almost 4 years.
He finally got a new kidney just last month.
It's a mixed blessing though, because the donor
was a bed-wetter.

 

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What do you call a big irish spider?
Paddy long legs!

 

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Two missionaries in Africa get apprehended by a
tribe of very hostile cannibals who put them in a
large pot of water, build a huge fire under it,
and leave them there.
A few minutes later, one of the missionaries starts
to laugh uncontrollably.
The other missionary can't believe it!
He says, "What's wrong with you?
We're being boiled alive!
They're gonna eat us!
What could possibly be funny at a time like this?"
The other missionary says, "I just peed in the
soup."

 

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One reason to smile is that every seven minutes
of every day, someone in an aerobics class pulls
a hamstring.

 

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I am extremely excited today.
I am about to open up the time-capsule that I
made when I was only 5 years old.
I can't wait to see how big my puppy is now.

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