••
♥
I Got drunk at our office Christmas party and
mistook the shredder for the copier. I will never sit naked anything again and hit
start.
••
Have you played the 2013 Monopoly game?
- the jail has no spaces left - there's no free parking
- no-one can buy any houses because they
can't get a mortgage
- win or lose, you still have to bail out the
banker...
••
The wife and I were about to get dressed for an office dinner when she pulled out a tight, slutty
red dress from her wardrobe.
"You can't wear that!" I said immediately.
"Why?" she asked.
"Will your colleagues think it's inappropriate?"
"No," I said...... "Because you're fat."
••
I bought some powdered water,
but I don't know what to add.
••
The stoplight on the corner buzzes when it is
safe to cross the street. I was crossing with an intellectually challenged
coworker of mine(a blonde), when she asked
if I knew what the buzzer was for.
I explained that it signals blind people when
the light is red.
She responded, appalled "What on earth are
blind people doing driving?"
••
What is the difference between a snowman and
snow woman ?......... snow balls.
••
Some Ads;* Wanted: Hair-cutter. Excellent growth
potential.
* Wanted. Man to take care of cow that
does not smoke or drink.
* Our experienced Mom will care for your
child.
Fenced yard, meals, and smacks included.
* Our bikinis are exciting.
They are simply the tops.
••
There was this guy living in Ireland who wanted
to have the operation to become Irish. He had lived in Ireland for about 10 years and
loved the place and its people so he went to the
doctor and said he wanted to have the operation
to become Irish.
The doctor warned him saying, “This is very
dangerous, I have to remove half your brain”.
The guy was very adamant and said he wanted
to do it.
Next week he goes for surgery.
After 5 hours he wakes up.
He can see the doctor standing over him looking
very worried.
The doctor says “I am really sorry, the surgery
went terribly wrong, I ended up having to
remove your entire brain”
The guy looks at him and replies
“Crickey mate, no worries!”
••
I just found the easy way to decorate the living
room like it is covered with snow. My fat ass tried to sit in the bean bag chair.
Still haven't found the dog.
Pretty sure the neighbor's called it in as a meth
lab explosion.
So any way gonna need a new bean bag chair.
••
The bar I go to had a liquidation sale.......
Well, It actually started 2 weeks ago and i'm still there.
••••
