••
♥
It was so cold today, I saw teenagers walking
around with their pants pulled up.
••
It's so cold that.......
all the politicians have their hands in their own
pockets.
all the politicians have their hands in their own
pockets.
••
I would never take candy from a stranger but I
would follow a trail of bacon right into the back
of a windowless van....
would follow a trail of bacon right into the back
of a windowless van....
••
Did you hear that General Motors has a new
female CEO?
You know what this means...
They are going to rearrange the plant
production equipment every few months and
accessorize all the vehicles from now on.
female CEO?
You know what this means...
They are going to rearrange the plant
production equipment every few months and
accessorize all the vehicles from now on.
••
Larry the Cable Guy to Sean Hannity ---
"I've figured out Obamacare.
The bronze plan is what color your fingernails
will be after you give yourself a prostate exam."
"I've figured out Obamacare.
The bronze plan is what color your fingernails
will be after you give yourself a prostate exam."
••
I'm not a Catholic but I like to go into the
confessional and say:
"Bless me Father , I'm just in here to develop
some film".
confessional and say:
"Bless me Father , I'm just in here to develop
some film".
••
On the eve of the couple's tenth wedding
anniversary, the still slim wife was bragging
about her figure.
"You know honey," she said, "I can still get into
the skirts I had before we were married."
"Yeah ?" the husband replied as he turned his
attention back to the ball game on TV.
"I wish to hell I could."
anniversary, the still slim wife was bragging
about her figure.
"You know honey," she said, "I can still get into
the skirts I had before we were married."
"Yeah ?" the husband replied as he turned his
attention back to the ball game on TV.
"I wish to hell I could."
••
These ATM machines are so unreliable!
Do they ever keep them stocked with cash?
Sheesh! I have been trying to make a withdraw
and the last 5 ATM machines in a row gave me
a message "insufficient funds!"
Do they ever keep them stocked with cash?
Sheesh! I have been trying to make a withdraw
and the last 5 ATM machines in a row gave me
a message "insufficient funds!"
••
The Evolution of Courting:
1920: "May I have the pleasure of this dance?"
1950: "Hey sweetie, want to go to the drive-in?"
1980: "What's your sign?"
2013: "Here's a picture of my penis."
1920: "May I have the pleasure of this dance?"
1950: "Hey sweetie, want to go to the drive-in?"
1980: "What's your sign?"
2013: "Here's a picture of my penis."
••
WHAT MOST PEOPLE ARE THINKING
WHEN THEY SAY "I LOVE YOU"
"The person is thinking: Yeah, I really do love
him.
But I hope he showers at least once a day."
(Michelle, 9)
WHEN THEY SAY "I LOVE YOU"
"The person is thinking: Yeah, I really do love
him.
But I hope he showers at least once a day."
(Michelle, 9)
••
I have gained a LOT of weight..... It's true.
You may not believe this but I used to weigh.....
7 lbs. 2 oz...
You may not believe this but I used to weigh.....
7 lbs. 2 oz...
••••
