••
♥
She left him on the sofa when the phone rang,
and was back in a few seconds.
"Who was it?" he asked.
"My husband," she replied.
"I better get going," he said..... "Where was he?"
"Relax, He's downtown playing poker with you."
She left him on the sofa when the phone rang,
and was back in a few seconds.
"Who was it?" he asked.
"My husband," she replied.
"I better get going," he said..... "Where was he?"
"Relax, He's downtown playing poker with you."
••
I spent the entire weekend laying on the couch
listening to a large stack of CDs.
Because I'll be darned if I am just going to take
the manufacturer's word that they are blank.
listening to a large stack of CDs.
Because I'll be darned if I am just going to take
the manufacturer's word that they are blank.
••
A hunchback is running along a street being
chased by a pack of children.
He stops, turns around and shouts, "Will you
all get lost! I haven't got your bloody ball!"
chased by a pack of children.
He stops, turns around and shouts, "Will you
all get lost! I haven't got your bloody ball!"
••
A: I have the perfect son.
B: Does he smoke?
A: No, he doesn't.
B: Does he drink whiskey?
A: No, he doesn't.
B: Does he ever come home late?
A: No, he doesn't.
B: I guess you really do have the perfect son.
How old is he?
A: He will be six months old next Wednesday.
B: Does he smoke?
A: No, he doesn't.
B: Does he drink whiskey?
A: No, he doesn't.
B: Does he ever come home late?
A: No, he doesn't.
B: I guess you really do have the perfect son.
How old is he?
A: He will be six months old next Wednesday.
••
Under Obamacare, you may not be able to
keep your current friends with benefits.
Check the website to see if sexy singles want to
meet you.
Under Obamacare, you may not be able to
keep your current friends with benefits.
Check the website to see if sexy singles want to
meet you.
••
I wanted to make an impression at a family
reunion and remember the names of all of the
new husband's family members.
There was one gent whom I'd asked his name
and tried very to remember but failed
repeatedly.
Finally he bailed me out and said his name
was Dick.
Without a thought I quickly said, "Gosh, how
could I forget?
You *look* like a 'Dick'!!!"
reunion and remember the names of all of the
new husband's family members.
There was one gent whom I'd asked his name
and tried very to remember but failed
repeatedly.
Finally he bailed me out and said his name
was Dick.
Without a thought I quickly said, "Gosh, how
could I forget?
You *look* like a 'Dick'!!!"
••
It's unfortunate I have a summer home in
Texas.
It used to be in Oklahoma.
Damn tornadoes!
It's unfortunate I have a summer home in
Texas.
It used to be in Oklahoma.
Damn tornadoes!
••
I now keep a picture of my Mother-in-law on
the mantel over our fireplace.
My Mother-in-law delights when she sees it and
thinks I am very nice for putting it there.
But I only put it up there...because it keeps the
children away from the fire....
I now keep a picture of my Mother-in-law on
the mantel over our fireplace.
My Mother-in-law delights when she sees it and
thinks I am very nice for putting it there.
But I only put it up there...because it keeps the
children away from the fire....
••
A frat boy gets into the back of a cab and asks
the cabbie, "Do you have enough room up there
for a pizza and a six pack of beer?"
The cabbie says, "Sure."
So the frat boy leans forward and throws up.
the cabbie, "Do you have enough room up there
for a pizza and a six pack of beer?"
The cabbie says, "Sure."
So the frat boy leans forward and throws up.
••
Gatorade always has athletes in their
commercials sweating and working hard.
They really should target their real consumer.
A Fat guy on the couch nursing a hangover....
commercials sweating and working hard.
They really should target their real consumer.
A Fat guy on the couch nursing a hangover....
••
"You know that Mary Jane that lives down the
road is a cheat," declared Jennie's little boy.
"Why do you say that?" Jennie asked.
The boy reported, "Well she said she'd show me
hers if I showed her mine- but it turned out
she hasn't got one!"
road is a cheat," declared Jennie's little boy.
"Why do you say that?" Jennie asked.
The boy reported, "Well she said she'd show me
hers if I showed her mine- but it turned out
she hasn't got one!"
••••
