••
♥
The only way to keep your health is to eat what
you don't want, drink what you don't like, and
do what you'd rather not. --Mark Twain--
you don't want, drink what you don't like, and
do what you'd rather not. --Mark Twain--
••
There is a new woman's shelter downtown
called "The Tempura House", it's the home for
lightly battered women.
called "The Tempura House", it's the home for
lightly battered women.
••
Some congressmen are so upset about how
much the government pays farmers not to grow
wheat, that they want more money not to accept
bribes.
much the government pays farmers not to grow
wheat, that they want more money not to accept
bribes.
••
There's a nudist convention in town next week.
I might go if I've nothing on.
I might go if I've nothing on.
••
Nobody says that you are dumb.
They just say you were sixteen years old before
you learned how to wave good-bye.
They just say you were sixteen years old before
you learned how to wave good-bye.
••
Husband returned from office and wife drew a
breath of relief: “Thank lord.
Good that you are safe and sound.”
Husband: “Why, what’s wrong?”
Wife: “A few persons were talking near our
window that a dumb looking man got crushed
under a car.”
breath of relief: “Thank lord.
Good that you are safe and sound.”
Husband: “Why, what’s wrong?”
Wife: “A few persons were talking near our
window that a dumb looking man got crushed
under a car.”
••
Sarah was a curious thirteen year old girl.
"Mommy," she said, "I'd like you to answer one
question."
"Very good," replied her mother, "I was
wondering when you would become curious
about birds, flowers and bees."
"It's not that," said the girl.
"I know all about screwing.
What I would like to know is how to make
lasagna."
"Mommy," she said, "I'd like you to answer one
question."
"Very good," replied her mother, "I was
wondering when you would become curious
about birds, flowers and bees."
"It's not that," said the girl.
"I know all about screwing.
What I would like to know is how to make
lasagna."
••
I was telling a girl in the pub about my ability to
guess what day a woman was born just by feeling
her boobs.
"Really" she said, "Go on then...try."
After about thirty seconds of fondling she began to
lose patience and said, "Come on, what day was I
born?"
I said, "Yesterday."
When you are over seventy who gives a shit?
guess what day a woman was born just by feeling
her boobs.
"Really" she said, "Go on then...try."
After about thirty seconds of fondling she began to
lose patience and said, "Come on, what day was I
born?"
I said, "Yesterday."
When you are over seventy who gives a shit?
••
I'll tell you one reason why this country is such
a mess:
We owe 17 Trillion - a few people are
concerned.
Dude who makes Duck Calls comes out against
the gay lifestyle - the whole country takes a piss!
a mess:
We owe 17 Trillion - a few people are
concerned.
Dude who makes Duck Calls comes out against
the gay lifestyle - the whole country takes a piss!
••
The police were called to a local bar in R-Ville.
The reason was a complaint of public indecency.
When they finally arrived at the bar they found a
woman wearing only knee socks!
The woman was about to leave with four men.
The police moved in to arrest all five people, but
the men protested to the police.
They insisted they were not taking advantage
of the woman.
They explained that they were family members
trying to take her home.
Specifically they stated that they were the woman's
husband, brother, cousin, and uncle.
There was one problem the police found with their
story:
Not one of them knew the woman's name!
The police were called to a local bar in R-Ville.
The reason was a complaint of public indecency.
When they finally arrived at the bar they found a
woman wearing only knee socks!
The woman was about to leave with four men.
The police moved in to arrest all five people, but
the men protested to the police.
They insisted they were not taking advantage
of the woman.
They explained that they were family members
trying to take her home.
Specifically they stated that they were the woman's
husband, brother, cousin, and uncle.
There was one problem the police found with their
story:
Not one of them knew the woman's name!
••
I was sitting in the doctors' waiting room and it
was already 2 1/2 hours past my appointment time,
finally an old man stood up and said "I'm going
home to die a natural death"....
was already 2 1/2 hours past my appointment time,
finally an old man stood up and said "I'm going
home to die a natural death"....
••••
