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Obama is inspecting 3 armed forces personnel,
1 from each of his fighting forces.
He asks each one what they would do if they
woke up and found a camel spider in their tent
on operations?
The Marine says, “I’d reach over, grab my
bayonet and stab it to death!”
The Army guy says, “I’d reach over, grab my
boot and batter it to death !”
The airman says, “I’d reach over, pick up my
phone, call reception and ask……..
“Who the hell has put a tent up in my hotel
room?”
1 from each of his fighting forces.
He asks each one what they would do if they
woke up and found a camel spider in their tent
on operations?
The Marine says, “I’d reach over, grab my
bayonet and stab it to death!”
The Army guy says, “I’d reach over, grab my
boot and batter it to death !”
The airman says, “I’d reach over, pick up my
phone, call reception and ask……..
“Who the hell has put a tent up in my hotel
room?”
♣♣
There's a pizza place near where I live that sells
only slices.
In the back you can see a guy tossing a triangle
in the air.
only slices.
In the back you can see a guy tossing a triangle
in the air.
♣♣
If I 'didn't know' as much as obama 'doesn't
know' I'd would have been fired from my job a
long time ago.
know' I'd would have been fired from my job a
long time ago.
♣♣
You can learn many things from children.
How much patience you have, for instance.
How much patience you have, for instance.
♣♣
In the greatest days of the British Empire, a
new commanding officer was sent to a jungle
outpost to relieve the retiring colonel.
After welcoming his replacement and showing
the courtesies that protocol decrees (gin and
tonic, thinly sliced cucumber sandwiches),
the retiring colonel said, "You must meet
Captain Smithers, my right-hand man.
God.... he's really the strength of this office.
His talent is simply boundless."
Smithers was summoned and introduced to
the new CO, who was surprised to meet a
toothless, hairless, scabbed and pockmarked
specimen of humanity, a particularly
unattractive man less than three foot tall.
"Smithers, old man, tell your new CO about
yourself."
"Well, sir, I graduated with honours from
Sandhurst, joined the regiment and won the
Military Cross and Bar after three expeditions
behind enemy lines.
I've represented Great Britain in equestrian
events and won a Silver Medal in the
middleweight division of the Olympics.
I have researched the history of..."
Here the colonel interrupted, "Yes, yes, never
mind that Smithers, the CO can find all that in
your file.
Tell him about the day you told the witch doctor
to get screwed."
new commanding officer was sent to a jungle
outpost to relieve the retiring colonel.
After welcoming his replacement and showing
the courtesies that protocol decrees (gin and
tonic, thinly sliced cucumber sandwiches),
the retiring colonel said, "You must meet
Captain Smithers, my right-hand man.
God.... he's really the strength of this office.
His talent is simply boundless."
Smithers was summoned and introduced to
the new CO, who was surprised to meet a
toothless, hairless, scabbed and pockmarked
specimen of humanity, a particularly
unattractive man less than three foot tall.
"Smithers, old man, tell your new CO about
yourself."
"Well, sir, I graduated with honours from
Sandhurst, joined the regiment and won the
Military Cross and Bar after three expeditions
behind enemy lines.
I've represented Great Britain in equestrian
events and won a Silver Medal in the
middleweight division of the Olympics.
I have researched the history of..."
Here the colonel interrupted, "Yes, yes, never
mind that Smithers, the CO can find all that in
your file.
Tell him about the day you told the witch doctor
to get screwed."
♣♣
The clerk showed the man the store's most
expensive perfume.
"This is called 'Perhaps'," said the sales clerk.
"It's $285 perounce."
"Listen," the man shot back, "for $285 an ounce,
I don't want something called 'Perhaps'; I want
something called...
"You Can Bet Your Sweet Ass You'll Get Some !!"
The clerk showed the man the store's most
expensive perfume.
"This is called 'Perhaps'," said the sales clerk.
"It's $285 perounce."
"Listen," the man shot back, "for $285 an ounce,
I don't want something called 'Perhaps'; I want
something called...
"You Can Bet Your Sweet Ass You'll Get Some !!"
♣♣
Idris Elba, the actor who plays Nelson Mandela
in the coincidental film, was asked what drew
him to the role.
He said, "Its apartheid always wanted"
in the coincidental film, was asked what drew
him to the role.
He said, "Its apartheid always wanted"
♣♣
I was bagging my own stuff at Walmart when a
woman came up to me and said how kind
it was that Walmart hires "you people".
I smiled and started drooling.
woman came up to me and said how kind
it was that Walmart hires "you people".
I smiled and started drooling.
♣♣
Christians have created a holiday that has
become a beast that cannot be fed.
Every year, Christmas gets longer and longer
and longer.
And you dont care, do you?
You just take more and more of the calendar
for yourself.
Its unbelievable!
How long does it take you people to shop?
Its beyond belief..... Its insane.
When I was a kid, Halloween was Halloween,
and Santa was'nt poking his ass into it!
become a beast that cannot be fed.
Every year, Christmas gets longer and longer
and longer.
And you dont care, do you?
You just take more and more of the calendar
for yourself.
Its unbelievable!
How long does it take you people to shop?
Its beyond belief..... Its insane.
When I was a kid, Halloween was Halloween,
and Santa was'nt poking his ass into it!
♣♣
While carpenters were working outside the old
house I had just bought, I busied myself with
indoor cleaning.
I had just finished washing the floor when one
of the workmen asked to use the bathroom.
With dismay, I looked from his muddy boots to
my newly-scrubbed floors.
"Just a minute," I said, thinking of a quick
solution.
"I'll put down some newspapers for you."
"That's all right, Lady," he responded.
"I'm already trained."
house I had just bought, I busied myself with
indoor cleaning.
I had just finished washing the floor when one
of the workmen asked to use the bathroom.
With dismay, I looked from his muddy boots to
my newly-scrubbed floors.
"Just a minute," I said, thinking of a quick
solution.
"I'll put down some newspapers for you."
"That's all right, Lady," he responded.
"I'm already trained."
♣♣
Murphy's Law: Anything that can go wrong will
go wrong.
Cole's Law: Thinly sliced cabbage.
go wrong.
Cole's Law: Thinly sliced cabbage.
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