••
♥
I'm happy for China.
Sending a rover to the moon is really
impressive.
These days our government can't even get a
website to work.
••
The Kardashian husbands are like fragrances.
Every year they release another one.
Every year they release another one.
••
Over the weekend the Obamacare website was
down.
Fortunately, most Americans were unaffected
because they never knew it was up.
down.
Fortunately, most Americans were unaffected
because they never knew it was up.
••
THOUGHT OF THE DAY:
"The best years of your life are the ones in
which you decide your problems are your own.
You do not blame them on your mother, the
ecology, or the president.
You realize that you control your own destiny."
- Albert Ellis
"The best years of your life are the ones in
which you decide your problems are your own.
You do not blame them on your mother, the
ecology, or the president.
You realize that you control your own destiny."
- Albert Ellis
••
The shy, young man is thinking about asking
his girl to marry him, but he doesn't know how
to say it, so he asks his father, "Dad, what did
you say to mum so she married you?"
"I only said 'OH NO!!!' and then we got married
the next day."
his girl to marry him, but he doesn't know how
to say it, so he asks his father, "Dad, what did
you say to mum so she married you?"
"I only said 'OH NO!!!' and then we got married
the next day."
••
My Mother-in-law is very heavy.
I'm afraid of her.
Turns out that I'm not afraid of heights,
I'm afraid of Widths.
I'm afraid of her.
Turns out that I'm not afraid of heights,
I'm afraid of Widths.
••
Bubba and Junior were standing at the base of
a flagpole, looking up.
A woman walked by and asked what they were
doing.
"We're supposed to find the height of the
flagpole," said Bubba, "but we don't have a
ladder."
The woman took a wrench from her purse,
loosened a few bolts, and laid the pole down.
Then she took a tape measure from her pocket,
took a measurement and announced,
"Eighteen feet, six inches," and walked away.
Junior shook his head and laughed. "Ain't that
just like a dumb blonde!
We ask for the height, and she gives us the
length!"
a flagpole, looking up.
A woman walked by and asked what they were
doing.
"We're supposed to find the height of the
flagpole," said Bubba, "but we don't have a
ladder."
The woman took a wrench from her purse,
loosened a few bolts, and laid the pole down.
Then she took a tape measure from her pocket,
took a measurement and announced,
"Eighteen feet, six inches," and walked away.
Junior shook his head and laughed. "Ain't that
just like a dumb blonde!
We ask for the height, and she gives us the
length!"
••
The homeowner was delighted with the work
the painter did, so he gave him an extra $80
"to take the missus out to a dinner and a movie."
Later that night, the homeowner was surprised
to answer the door to the painter.
"Is everything OK? Did you forget something?"
"No, everything is fine.
I just came to take your missus to the dinner
and movie like you suggested."
the painter did, so he gave him an extra $80
"to take the missus out to a dinner and a movie."
Later that night, the homeowner was surprised
to answer the door to the painter.
"Is everything OK? Did you forget something?"
"No, everything is fine.
I just came to take your missus to the dinner
and movie like you suggested."
••
The children of two movie actresses were
talking.
Tina: “Somebody told me you have a new father,
how is he?”
Rita: “Really nice.
Come to my place, you can meet him.
I am sure you will like him.”
Tina: “I have already met him.
Last year, he was my father too.”
talking.
Tina: “Somebody told me you have a new father,
how is he?”
Rita: “Really nice.
Come to my place, you can meet him.
I am sure you will like him.”
Tina: “I have already met him.
Last year, he was my father too.”
••
You realize your childhood is over when you
fall asleep on the couch and wake up on the
couch.
fall asleep on the couch and wake up on the
couch.
••••
