Busted......
••
♥
Negotiations between union members and their
employer were at an impasse.
The union denied that their workers were
flagrantly abusing their contract's sick-leave
provisions.
One morning at the bargaining table, the
company's chief negotiator held aloft the
morning edition of the newspaper, "This man,"
he announced, "Called in Sick yesterday!"
There on the sports page, was a photo of the
supposedly ill employee, who had just won a
local golf tournament with an excellent score.
The silence in the room was broken by a union
negotiator.
"Wow," he said.
"Think of what kind of score he could have had
if he hadn't been sick!"
employer were at an impasse.
The union denied that their workers were
flagrantly abusing their contract's sick-leave
provisions.
One morning at the bargaining table, the
company's chief negotiator held aloft the
morning edition of the newspaper, "This man,"
he announced, "Called in Sick yesterday!"
There on the sports page, was a photo of the
supposedly ill employee, who had just won a
local golf tournament with an excellent score.
The silence in the room was broken by a union
negotiator.
"Wow," he said.
"Think of what kind of score he could have had
if he hadn't been sick!"
••
Gus went to the doctor to complain about a
terrible pain in his left leg.
"It's just old age"Said the Doc....
"How can that be?
My other leg feels fine and it is the same age!"
terrible pain in his left leg.
"It's just old age"Said the Doc....
"How can that be?
My other leg feels fine and it is the same age!"
••
As a little girl climbed onto Santa's lap, Santa
asked the usual, "And what would you like for
Christmas?"
The child stared at him open mouthed and
horrified for a minute, then gasped:
"Didn't you get my E-mail?"
asked the usual, "And what would you like for
Christmas?"
The child stared at him open mouthed and
horrified for a minute, then gasped:
"Didn't you get my E-mail?"
••
I won't start my day until I have a full pot of
hot coffee inside me.
Oh sure, I've tried all the other types of morning
enemas but....
hot coffee inside me.
Oh sure, I've tried all the other types of morning
enemas but....
••
CONDOMINIUM
A prophylactic for midgets.
A prophylactic for midgets.
••
My sister and I spent two weeks in Paris.
The locals obviously hated Americans --
no matter where we went, we were subject to
rude behavior from waiters, store clerks,
pedestrians, etc.
After a while it started to irritate us.
One day, in Paris, my sister went shopping.
She entered a store and started looking around.
She was the only customer in the store.
As she was looking through the clothes on the
rack, a clerk hurriedly approached her and very
abruptly asked if he could help her.
My sister was used to this bad treatment by
now and she politely declined his help.
She continued to look at the clothes.
Then she noticed that every clerk in the store
was staring at her.
Defiantly, she continued to look through the
clothes.
When she could take this treatment no longer,
she turned on her heels, with her head held
high, and left the shop.
As she left, she noticed that the sign on the
store read...."DryCleaners."
The locals obviously hated Americans --
no matter where we went, we were subject to
rude behavior from waiters, store clerks,
pedestrians, etc.
After a while it started to irritate us.
One day, in Paris, my sister went shopping.
She entered a store and started looking around.
She was the only customer in the store.
As she was looking through the clothes on the
rack, a clerk hurriedly approached her and very
abruptly asked if he could help her.
My sister was used to this bad treatment by
now and she politely declined his help.
She continued to look at the clothes.
Then she noticed that every clerk in the store
was staring at her.
Defiantly, she continued to look through the
clothes.
When she could take this treatment no longer,
she turned on her heels, with her head held
high, and left the shop.
As she left, she noticed that the sign on the
store read...."DryCleaners."
••
I got my son a flat piece of cardboard for Xmas..
What the little guy wants with an ex-box I'll
never know.
What the little guy wants with an ex-box I'll
never know.
••
In the spirit of the season, I have now started
saying "Merry Christmas Mr. NSA agent" before
I end every cell phone call.
saying "Merry Christmas Mr. NSA agent" before
I end every cell phone call.
••
A man and his wife were taking a bus tour thru
Russia in early June when it suddenly started
snowing.
The husband asked the Russian guide if this
was common for this time of the year.
The Russian said "Nyet, that is not snow, it
never snows in Russia this time of year, that is
rain!"
The man opened his window and stuck out his
arm to catch some snowflakes to show the guide
he was wrong, when his wife suddenly pulled
his arm back in and shushed her husband by
saying..."Rudolph, the Red knows rain, dear!"
Russia in early June when it suddenly started
snowing.
The husband asked the Russian guide if this
was common for this time of the year.
The Russian said "Nyet, that is not snow, it
never snows in Russia this time of year, that is
rain!"
The man opened his window and stuck out his
arm to catch some snowflakes to show the guide
he was wrong, when his wife suddenly pulled
his arm back in and shushed her husband by
saying..."Rudolph, the Red knows rain, dear!"
••
I was driving along in the used car I just bought
off of craigslist when the check engine light
came on.
I forgot to do that before buying so I was
worried it might have the wrong engine...
so I popped the hood and it had a decent
looking V8, as advertised so I thought to myself
good, I wasn't ripped off I said thanks to the car
and acknowledged that its a nice engine, and
figured it was all good.
The light was still on, so maybe it meant
performance check, so I floored it in neutral
and the rev limiter worked fine, but the light
was still on.
So then I put it in D & floored it up till it pegged
the speedometer, and all was good, I drove to
the mountains and drove as hard and fast as I
could, but its still telling me to check the engine.
How do you do it?
Needless to say I got tired of checking the
engine after I burned up a pair of tires, 5 tanks
of gas I and found myself in the Canadian
wilderness.
so I taped over the light.
off of craigslist when the check engine light
came on.
I forgot to do that before buying so I was
worried it might have the wrong engine...
so I popped the hood and it had a decent
looking V8, as advertised so I thought to myself
good, I wasn't ripped off I said thanks to the car
and acknowledged that its a nice engine, and
figured it was all good.
The light was still on, so maybe it meant
performance check, so I floored it in neutral
and the rev limiter worked fine, but the light
was still on.
So then I put it in D & floored it up till it pegged
the speedometer, and all was good, I drove to
the mountains and drove as hard and fast as I
could, but its still telling me to check the engine.
How do you do it?
Needless to say I got tired of checking the
engine after I burned up a pair of tires, 5 tanks
of gas I and found myself in the Canadian
wilderness.
so I taped over the light.
••
A salesman was trying very hard to convince a
local farmer into buying a bicycle:
"I'd sooner spend my money on a cow"
"Ah, but think how foolish you would look
trying to ride a cow."
"Not as foolish as trying to milk a bicycle"
local farmer into buying a bicycle:
"I'd sooner spend my money on a cow"
"Ah, but think how foolish you would look
trying to ride a cow."
"Not as foolish as trying to milk a bicycle"
••••
