Down Hummingbird Lane

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♥

 

I am writing this from the hospital.
Don't worry the doc said I will be fine, but I
must warn you - The Dyson Ball cleaner has a
very misleading name.

 

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It's the holiday season so a reminder of that
famous rhyme....
And I heard him exclaim as he drove out of
sight, "Merry Christmas to all and to all a
Bud Light!"

 

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All I got for Christmas was a sweater...
I would have prefered a screamer or a moaner.

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Mom and Dad were trying to console Susie,
whose dog had recently died.
"You know, it's not your fault that the dog died.
He's probably up in heaven right now, having a
grand old time with God."
Susie, still crying, said "What would God want
with a dead dog?"

 

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Q: What's the definition of virginity?
A: A big issue over a little tissue.

 

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Paul and Simon are talking about their respective
weekends when the subject of picking up ladies
pops up.
"I must say I'm doing fine in that department,"
 says Paul.
"This weekend I hooked up with that Jenny
Harris girl."
"Jenny Harris!" Simon exclaims, "What happened?"
"Let's just say I got lucky."
"I've heard about Jenny," Simon says, "and I
wouldn't call it 'lucky.'"
"I would," Paul says.
"In that case," Simon replies, "you're the luckiest
guy with herpes I know."

 

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There was a young man from Rangoon
Whose farts could be heard to the moon.
When you'd least expect 'em,
They'd burst from his rectum
With the force of a raging typhoon.

 

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A rural Frenchman was on trial for killing his
wife when he found her with a neighbor.
Upon being asked why he shot her instead of
her lover, he replied,
"Ah, masseur, is it not better to shoot a woman
once than a different man every week?"

 

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How do you know a guy at the beach has a
redhead for a girlfriend?
She has scratched "stay off MY TURF!" on his
back with her nails.

 

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“Why did the agricultural presentation go so
smoothly?
They planted questions.”

 

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