Down Hummingbird Lane

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A young couple had identical twin sons and
nearly everyone had a heck of a time telling
them apart.
An aunt asked the mom if she had any problems
distinguishing the two lads.
The mother replied, "No, I can tell them apart
by their balls.
One bawls all night, the other bawls all day!"

 

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Nothing makes a woman feel as old as watching
the bald spot daily increase on the top of her
husband's head.

 

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At a hospital... 
We had a patient whose last name was Seaman.
The patient was discharged but the ward clerk
was not informed.
Later in the day, admissions called and wanted
to know if the patient had been discharged.
The ward clerk put admissions on hold and
yelled out,.... "Who discharged Seaman?"
After a long pause, we all burst out laughing.

 

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When I was in high school I was working as a
nurse's aide at our small-town hospital.
It was my job to go around and get everyone's
vital signs and chart them.
I walked into one gentleman's room and said,
"Good morning! I'm just here to grab your vitals."
His wife was sitting at this beside and started
laughing hysterically.
Then she said, "Why don't you leave that to me
honey!"..... I was never so embarrassed.

 

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When you've got a long list of things to buy at a
department store, you tend to tune out
announcements like, "All cashiers to the front
register" or "Associate, pick up line three."
But one did catch my attention: "Customer
service needed in men's boxers."

 

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I like the West - that's where men are men and
women are women, and it's hard to beat a
combination like that. - Milton Berle

 

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Mum and Dad went to the Restaurant,
Dad was about halfway finishing his meal but
he had a hard look at the potato.
He calls the waitress and says this potato is bad.
The waitress picks it up an smacks it an puts it
back on the plate and says "If that potato causes
any more trouble just let me know".

 

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What is the only time a man thinks about a
candlelight dinner?
When the power goes off.

 

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"Well, Mrs. O'Connor, so you want a divorce?"
the solicitor questioned his client.
"Tell me about it.
Do you have a grudge?"
"Oh, no," replied Mrs. O'Connor.
"Shure now, we have a carport."
The solicitor tried again.
"Well, does the man beat you up?"
"No, no," said Mrs. O'Connor, looking puzzled.
"Oi'm always first out of bed."
Still hopeful, the solicitor tried once again.
"What I'm trying to find out are what grounds you
have."
"Bless ye, sor.
We live in a flat -- not even a window box,
let alone grounds."
"Mrs. O'Connor," the solicitor said in considerable
exasperation, "you need a reason that the court can
consider.
"What is the reason for you seeking this divorce?"
"Ah, well now," said the lady,
"Shure it's because the man can't hold an intelligent
conversation."

 

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