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Bad boys watcha gonna do...
Watching 'cops' on TV, makes it obvious how
discrimination is very much alive in the police
force, they seem to be arresting only the people
with blurry heads.
That's racial profiling.......
••
The judge says to a double-homicide defendant,
"You're charged with beating your wife to death
with a hammer."
A voice at the back of the courtroom yells out,
"You bastard!"
The judge says, "You're also charged with
beating your mother-in-law to death with a
hammer."
The voice in the back of the courtroom yells out,
"You bastard!"
The judge stops and says to the guy in the back
of the courtroom, "Sir, I can understand your
anger and frustration at this crime.
But no more outbursts from you, or I'll charge
you with contempt...... Is that understood?"
The guy in the back of the court stands up and
says, "I'm sorry, Your Honor, but for fifteen
years, I've lived next door to that bastard, and
every time I asked to borrow a hammer,
he said he didn't have one."
The judge says to a double-homicide defendant,
"You're charged with beating your wife to death
with a hammer."
A voice at the back of the courtroom yells out,
"You bastard!"
The judge says, "You're also charged with
beating your mother-in-law to death with a
hammer."
The voice in the back of the courtroom yells out,
"You bastard!"
The judge stops and says to the guy in the back
of the courtroom, "Sir, I can understand your
anger and frustration at this crime.
But no more outbursts from you, or I'll charge
you with contempt...... Is that understood?"
The guy in the back of the court stands up and
says, "I'm sorry, Your Honor, but for fifteen
years, I've lived next door to that bastard, and
every time I asked to borrow a hammer,
he said he didn't have one."
••
I'm the world's worst rapist.
I was stalking this girl in the park.
I had my handkerchief already soaked in
chloroform, when suddenly she turned and
looked at me.
I nonchalantly pretended to blow my nose.......
and woke up an hour later slumped over a park
bench naked...
I was stalking this girl in the park.
I had my handkerchief already soaked in
chloroform, when suddenly she turned and
looked at me.
I nonchalantly pretended to blow my nose.......
and woke up an hour later slumped over a park
bench naked...
••
Chuck Norris is the only human being to display
the Heisenberg uncertainty principle --
you can never know both exactly where and how
quickly he will roundhouse-kick you in the face.
the Heisenberg uncertainty principle --
you can never know both exactly where and how
quickly he will roundhouse-kick you in the face.
••
Two bananas are lying on a river bank when a
turd comes floating by.
The turd looks over and says, "Hey! Come on in!
The water's fine!"
One banana turns to the other banana and says
"Do you believe that shit?"
turd comes floating by.
The turd looks over and says, "Hey! Come on in!
The water's fine!"
One banana turns to the other banana and says
"Do you believe that shit?"
••
I know a lot of people won't eat Italian food at a
restaurant.
They always say the same thing, I'm not going to
spend $10 for a dollars worth of pasta.
Plus no one makes Italian food like my
grandmother.
Well you do spend a little extra for Italian food
at a restaurant but for that extra $9 you get a
heaping side order of not hanging out with your
grandmother.
restaurant.
They always say the same thing, I'm not going to
spend $10 for a dollars worth of pasta.
Plus no one makes Italian food like my
grandmother.
Well you do spend a little extra for Italian food
at a restaurant but for that extra $9 you get a
heaping side order of not hanging out with your
grandmother.
••
Man is incomplete until he is married.
Then he is finished.
Then he is finished.
••
I can't understand when people say they could
shit through the eye of a needle.
When I have diarrhoea, I lack that kind of
accuracy.
shit through the eye of a needle.
When I have diarrhoea, I lack that kind of
accuracy.
••
Jack has died.
His lawyer, standing before the family, reads out
Jack's Last Will and Testament.
"To my dear wife Esther, I leave the house,
50 acres of land, and 1 million dollars."
"To my son Barry, I leave my big Lexus and the
Jaguar."
"To my daughter Suzy, I leave my yacht and
$250,000."
"And to my brother-in-law, Jeff, who always
insisted that health is better than wealth,
I leave my sun lamp."
His lawyer, standing before the family, reads out
Jack's Last Will and Testament.
"To my dear wife Esther, I leave the house,
50 acres of land, and 1 million dollars."
"To my son Barry, I leave my big Lexus and the
Jaguar."
"To my daughter Suzy, I leave my yacht and
$250,000."
"And to my brother-in-law, Jeff, who always
insisted that health is better than wealth,
I leave my sun lamp."
••
My attractive female neighbor is completely
paranoid.
She thinks I'm following or even stalking her,
she is worried that I may be obsessed with her
and any time she hears a noise in her house she
is.....purified? Oh, wait: petrified. Sorry, it's not
easy reading a diary through binoculars from a
tree.
paranoid.
She thinks I'm following or even stalking her,
she is worried that I may be obsessed with her
and any time she hears a noise in her house she
is.....purified? Oh, wait: petrified. Sorry, it's not
easy reading a diary through binoculars from a
tree.
••••
