♠♠
♥
What is the difference between
a toilet and Convienience Store Clerk?
A toilet only has to deal with one asshole at a
time.
♠♠
You can tell Monopoly is an old game because
there is a luxury tax and rich people can go to
jail...
there is a luxury tax and rich people can go to
jail...
♠♠
A man went to the doctor to get a physical, after
the doctor examined him, he told the man he
had some bad news... he had cancer and
alzheimers.
The man replied, " Well, at least I don't have
cancer"
the doctor examined him, he told the man he
had some bad news... he had cancer and
alzheimers.
The man replied, " Well, at least I don't have
cancer"
♠♠
Morris Schwartz is on his deathbed, knows the
end is near, is with his nurse, his wife, his
daughter and two sons.
"So", he says to them:
"Bernie, I want you to take the Beverly Hills
houses."
"Sybil, take the apartments over in Los Angeles
Plaza."
"Hymie, I want you to take the offices over in
City Center."
"Sarah, my dear wife, please take all the
residential buildings downtown."
The nurse is just blown away by all this, and as
Morris slips away, she says , "Mrs. Schwartz,
your husband must have been such a hard
working man to have accumulated all this
property".
Sarah replies, "Property? ... the schmuck has a
paper route!"
end is near, is with his nurse, his wife, his
daughter and two sons.
"So", he says to them:
"Bernie, I want you to take the Beverly Hills
houses."
"Sybil, take the apartments over in Los Angeles
Plaza."
"Hymie, I want you to take the offices over in
City Center."
"Sarah, my dear wife, please take all the
residential buildings downtown."
The nurse is just blown away by all this, and as
Morris slips away, she says , "Mrs. Schwartz,
your husband must have been such a hard
working man to have accumulated all this
property".
Sarah replies, "Property? ... the schmuck has a
paper route!"
♠♠
An old couple were talking.
The wife asked her husband, "How many
women have you slept with?"
"Only you, Darling,” the man replied proudly.
“With all the others I was awake."
The wife asked her husband, "How many
women have you slept with?"
"Only you, Darling,” the man replied proudly.
“With all the others I was awake."
♠♠
Men and cats have much in common...
Ignoring what women say, and only showing
interest when its time to eat or they want to be
stroked.
Ignoring what women say, and only showing
interest when its time to eat or they want to be
stroked.
♠♠
Wrestling is obviously fake.
Why would two people fight over a belt when
neither of them are wearing pants?
Why would two people fight over a belt when
neither of them are wearing pants?
♠♠
How can you tell if a redneck wedding is formal?
The shotgun is painted white.
The shotgun is painted white.
♠♠
Research says that a man speaks 25000 words a
day while a woman speaks 30000 words.
The problem is with the timing - while the husband
consumes his 25000 words at work, the wife's
30000 start when the husband reaches home.
day while a woman speaks 30000 words.
The problem is with the timing - while the husband
consumes his 25000 words at work, the wife's
30000 start when the husband reaches home.
♠♠
I see London Mayor Boris Johnson's proposing to
fine Londoners who text while they're walking.
Personally I think it would be cheaper and funnier
to just put up more lamp posts.
fine Londoners who text while they're walking.
Personally I think it would be cheaper and funnier
to just put up more lamp posts.
♠♠
Statistics are like a bikini.
What they reveal is suggestive, but what they
conceal is vital.
What they reveal is suggestive, but what they
conceal is vital.
♠♠♠♠
