••
♥
Ten Signs The Police Chief Hates You.....
10. He sends you on drug raids....alone.
9. He refers to you as "Our Little Mascot."
8. The job description in your contract
includes "crash test dummy" and
"pepper-spray test subject."
7. Instead of a gun, you were issued a water
pistol.
6. He always tells you that only wimps call for
back-up.
5. He lied to you about an "officer exchange
program" and put you on a plane to Siberia.
4. He doesn't like to be seen with you in public.
3. He makes up "missing persons" and then
sends you to look for them.
2. You always get the patrol car with the flat
tire, no gas, a dead battery, and a broken air
conditioner.
1. Your locker is also the broom closet!!
••
Why did God invent armadillos?
So that rednecks can have 'possum on the
half shell.
So that rednecks can have 'possum on the
half shell.
••
Dave said to his friend Peter, "My wife is so
huge, she was relaxing on the beach when the
coastguard asked her to move because the tide
was waiting to come in."
Peter, not to be left behind, replied, "You got
to hear about my wife then.
She is so big, she was sitting on the beach the
other day when Greenpeace tried to refloat her."
huge, she was relaxing on the beach when the
coastguard asked her to move because the tide
was waiting to come in."
Peter, not to be left behind, replied, "You got
to hear about my wife then.
She is so big, she was sitting on the beach the
other day when Greenpeace tried to refloat her."
••
What would you get if you crossed a turkey
with an octopus?
Eight feather dusters!
with an octopus?
Eight feather dusters!
••
When two guys get married, what is the
bachelor party like?
Do they both go?"
bachelor party like?
Do they both go?"
••
One evening Ole and Sven are sitting in the
bar getting drunk.
Ole turns to Sven and asks, "Ven do you
suppose dose girls are gonna make out vit us?"
Swen says, "Donno, but I'm drunk enuf.
Let's go ask em!" So off they go to the
apartment where Ole knocks on the door.
Lena answers and says, "Vell, Ole and Sven,
come on in!"
Ole no more than gets in the door when he
says, "Ve yust come to find out ven you girls
are gonna make out vit us."
Lena is really upset by this and throws them
both out, slamming the door on them.
Ole is persistent and knocks on the door again.
Lena isn't stupid.
She knows it's Ole and says, "Ole if you are
gonna be so forward, you'll have to talk
through the keyhole."
So Ole bends to the keyhole and asks,
"Ven you girls gonna make out vit us?"
Lena is really upset now.
She drops her pants, backs up to the keyhole,
and breaks wind.
As Ole is backing up and shaking his head,
Sven asks, "Vell Ole, vat did she say?"
Ole says, "Vell, I tink she said ..
FFFFfffffrrriiddaayy but her breath
is so bad, I'm not askin' again."
bar getting drunk.
Ole turns to Sven and asks, "Ven do you
suppose dose girls are gonna make out vit us?"
Swen says, "Donno, but I'm drunk enuf.
Let's go ask em!" So off they go to the
apartment where Ole knocks on the door.
Lena answers and says, "Vell, Ole and Sven,
come on in!"
Ole no more than gets in the door when he
says, "Ve yust come to find out ven you girls
are gonna make out vit us."
Lena is really upset by this and throws them
both out, slamming the door on them.
Ole is persistent and knocks on the door again.
Lena isn't stupid.
She knows it's Ole and says, "Ole if you are
gonna be so forward, you'll have to talk
through the keyhole."
So Ole bends to the keyhole and asks,
"Ven you girls gonna make out vit us?"
Lena is really upset now.
She drops her pants, backs up to the keyhole,
and breaks wind.
As Ole is backing up and shaking his head,
Sven asks, "Vell Ole, vat did she say?"
Ole says, "Vell, I tink she said ..
FFFFfffffrrriiddaayy but her breath
is so bad, I'm not askin' again."
••
A little boy who prayed for a bicycle had an
even more startling surprise instead --
a baby sister.
That night he had a talk with God about His
delivery service.
"I got a sister instead of a bike," he explained
to God.
"Maybe some other kid wanted a sister and
got my bike.
Is there any chance we can keep the girl and
get me a bike, too?"
even more startling surprise instead --
a baby sister.
That night he had a talk with God about His
delivery service.
"I got a sister instead of a bike," he explained
to God.
"Maybe some other kid wanted a sister and
got my bike.
Is there any chance we can keep the girl and
get me a bike, too?"
••
An old man is sitting on the park bench crying.
Another old man sits down next to him and
says, "Mister, what's the problem?"
The old man wipes the tears from his eyes and
explains, "I've got this beautiful, 35 year old
wife, and all she wants to do is make love from
the moment I walk in the door till the
moment we go to sleep and then when we
wake up again."
"So, what the hell is the problem?"
"Mister, you don't understand...
I forgot where I live!"
Another old man sits down next to him and
says, "Mister, what's the problem?"
The old man wipes the tears from his eyes and
explains, "I've got this beautiful, 35 year old
wife, and all she wants to do is make love from
the moment I walk in the door till the
moment we go to sleep and then when we
wake up again."
"So, what the hell is the problem?"
"Mister, you don't understand...
I forgot where I live!"
••
The tri stages of sex in marriage-
1.Tri-weekly
2.Try-weekly
3.Try-weakly
1.Tri-weekly
2.Try-weekly
3.Try-weakly
••••
