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One day, a painter found himself short of help
and went tothe unemployment office to hire
someone for the day.
When he arrived, they didn't have any painters
available, but they did have a gynecologist there.
He reluctantly too him along to help.
A couple of weeks later, the painter returned to
the unemployment office needing temporary
help again.
This time there were two painters, but instead
he asked for the gynecologist again.
The clerk asked, "Why do you want a gynecologist when we
have two professional painters you can take
right now?"
He said, "Two weeks ago when I hired the
gynecologist, we arrived at the house and it
was locked with nobody home.
But I'll be damned if that gynecologist didn't
stick his hand through the mail slot and paint
the whole house!"
One day, a painter found himself short of help
and went tothe unemployment office to hire
someone for the day.
When he arrived, they didn't have any painters
available, but they did have a gynecologist there.
He reluctantly too him along to help.
A couple of weeks later, the painter returned to
the unemployment office needing temporary
help again.
This time there were two painters, but instead
he asked for the gynecologist again.
The clerk asked, "Why do you want a gynecologist when we
have two professional painters you can take
right now?"
He said, "Two weeks ago when I hired the
gynecologist, we arrived at the house and it
was locked with nobody home.
But I'll be damned if that gynecologist didn't
stick his hand through the mail slot and paint
the whole house!"
••
Chuck Norris was once on Celebrity Wheel of
Fortune and was the first to spin.
The next 29 minutes of the show consisted of
everyone standing around awkwardly, waiting
for the wheel to stop.
Fortune and was the first to spin.
The next 29 minutes of the show consisted of
everyone standing around awkwardly, waiting
for the wheel to stop.
••
I told my wife I've put an obituary in the
newspaper.
"Aww, who's died?" She asked.
"Our sex life,"I replied.
newspaper.
"Aww, who's died?" She asked.
"Our sex life,"I replied.
••
ObamaCare not Obamacare no longer?
The once embraced term is no longer welcome
by the administration.
They want it to be known as the ACA.
The future Obama Presidential Library will
have One book.
"How It's done, By I didn't do it !"
The once embraced term is no longer welcome
by the administration.
They want it to be known as the ACA.
The future Obama Presidential Library will
have One book.
"How It's done, By I didn't do it !"
••
How do you know when your redhead has
forgiven you?
She stops washing your clothes in the toilet
bowl.
forgiven you?
She stops washing your clothes in the toilet
bowl.
••
How do dogs communicate in the modern
world?
P-mail
And how do they tweet?
Wee-mail.....
world?
P-mail
And how do they tweet?
Wee-mail.....
••
A blonde, a brunette and a redhead....
all work at the same office for a female boss
who always goes home early.
"Hey, girls," says the brunette one day, "let's go
home early tomorrow.
She'll never know."
So the next day they all leave right after the
boss does.
The brunette gets some extra gardening done,
the redhead goes to a bar, and the blonde goes
home to find her husband having sex with the
female boss.
She quietly sneaks out of the house and vows
to return home at her normal time the next day.
In the morning, the brunette says, "That was
fun, we should do it again sometime."
"No way," says the blonde.
"I almost got caught!"
all work at the same office for a female boss
who always goes home early.
"Hey, girls," says the brunette one day, "let's go
home early tomorrow.
She'll never know."
So the next day they all leave right after the
boss does.
The brunette gets some extra gardening done,
the redhead goes to a bar, and the blonde goes
home to find her husband having sex with the
female boss.
She quietly sneaks out of the house and vows
to return home at her normal time the next day.
In the morning, the brunette says, "That was
fun, we should do it again sometime."
"No way," says the blonde.
"I almost got caught!"
••
What's safer: a redhead or a piranha?
The piranha.
They only attack in schools.
The piranha.
They only attack in schools.
••
Its true......
computers are like air conditioners;
neither one works if you open Windows..
computers are like air conditioners;
neither one works if you open Windows..
••
1974: Long Hair;
Now: Longing for hair
Then: Perfect high
Now: perfect high-yielding mutual fund
Then: KEG
Now: EKG
Then: Acid rock
Now: Acid reflux
Then: Growing pot
Now: growing pot-belly
Then: going to a new, hip joint
Now: receiving a new hip-joint
Then: Rolling Stones
Now: Kidney stones
Then: Screw the system
Now: Upgrade the system
Then: Disco
Now: Costco
Then: Passing the driving test
Now: Passing the vision test
Then: A Weekend AT Niagara
Now: A weekend WITH Viagra....
1974: Long Hair;
Now: Longing for hair
Then: Perfect high
Now: perfect high-yielding mutual fund
Then: KEG
Now: EKG
Then: Acid rock
Now: Acid reflux
Then: Growing pot
Now: growing pot-belly
Then: going to a new, hip joint
Now: receiving a new hip-joint
Then: Rolling Stones
Now: Kidney stones
Then: Screw the system
Now: Upgrade the system
Then: Disco
Now: Costco
Then: Passing the driving test
Now: Passing the vision test
Then: A Weekend AT Niagara
Now: A weekend WITH Viagra....
••
I thought about making a fitness movie for folks
my age, and call it 'Pumping Rust'....
I thought about making a fitness movie for folks
my age, and call it 'Pumping Rust'....
••••
