••
♥
My bank lets me send a text message and it'll
text back with my balance.
It's a cool feature but I didn't think the 'LOL'
was necessary.
text back with my balance.
It's a cool feature but I didn't think the 'LOL'
was necessary.
••
Fire investigators on Maui have determined the
cause of a blaze that destroyed a $127,000
home last month - a short in the homeowner's
newly installed fire prevention alarm system.
"This is even worse than last year," said the
distraught homeowner, "when someone broke
in and stole my new security system..."
cause of a blaze that destroyed a $127,000
home last month - a short in the homeowner's
newly installed fire prevention alarm system.
"This is even worse than last year," said the
distraught homeowner, "when someone broke
in and stole my new security system..."
••
ways to save.......
I tape popcorn to the ceiling.
It's cheaper than a smoke alarm.
I tape popcorn to the ceiling.
It's cheaper than a smoke alarm.
••
cheapness .......
My friends called me stingy so I decided to buy
them a beer.
Turns out they wanted one each.
My friends called me stingy so I decided to buy
them a beer.
Turns out they wanted one each.
••
Job interview.....
"If you're going to work here young man,"
said the boss, "the number two thing you must
learn is that we are very keen on cleanliness in
this firm."
The young man nods.
"Did you wipe your feet on the mat as you came
in?"
"Oh, yes, sir." responded the young man.
"And another thing the number one thing we
are very keen on is truthfulness.
There is no mat." said the boss.
"If you're going to work here young man,"
said the boss, "the number two thing you must
learn is that we are very keen on cleanliness in
this firm."
The young man nods.
"Did you wipe your feet on the mat as you came
in?"
"Oh, yes, sir." responded the young man.
"And another thing the number one thing we
are very keen on is truthfulness.
There is no mat." said the boss.
••
The funniest thing about you reading this is that
by the time you realize it doesn't say anything it's
too late for you to stop reading it.
You dummy....
by the time you realize it doesn't say anything it's
too late for you to stop reading it.
You dummy....
••
Two flies are eating a fresh, hot, steaming pile
of dog poop.
One fly burps.
The other fly says, "You're disgusting."
of dog poop.
One fly burps.
The other fly says, "You're disgusting."
••
Notice; the Psychic conference is
cancelled due to unforeseen circumstances.....
cancelled due to unforeseen circumstances.....
••
Guy bragging in the parking lot.....
Prius: I get 60 miles to the gallon.
What do you get?
Lamborghini: Laid.
Prius: I get 60 miles to the gallon.
What do you get?
Lamborghini: Laid.
••
Did you know that on July 17, 1989, 7 million
Americans disappeared....?
The day the law passed that requires tax returns
list the SSN of all dependents. 7,000,000 Fifi's,
Astros and Fidos disappeared.
Americans disappeared....?
The day the law passed that requires tax returns
list the SSN of all dependents. 7,000,000 Fifi's,
Astros and Fidos disappeared.
••
Pretty sure my dog would make a shitty
astronaut because space is a vacuum and those
tend to scare the shit out of him.
astronaut because space is a vacuum and those
tend to scare the shit out of him.
••••
