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Let me get this straight...
A Duck, A lizzard and an airhead named Flo
can sell insurance...
And the government cant????
A Duck, A lizzard and an airhead named Flo
can sell insurance...
And the government cant????
I don't care what side of the issue you are on,
this is a joke, and its funny.
this is a joke, and its funny.
••
I told my girlfriend the other day......
I said "Baby, you are like a drug to me"
"That is so sweet" she replied.
"Yeah, I spend way to much damn money on
you and you are ruining my life!"
I said "Baby, you are like a drug to me"
"That is so sweet" she replied.
"Yeah, I spend way to much damn money on
you and you are ruining my life!"
••
How frugal am I?
I went to the market today to buy some toilet
paper.
The clerk told me that if I wait until tomorrow,
it will be on sale at half price.
So I called everyone in my family and told
them to hold it for 24 hrs.
I went to the market today to buy some toilet
paper.
The clerk told me that if I wait until tomorrow,
it will be on sale at half price.
So I called everyone in my family and told
them to hold it for 24 hrs.
••
A man arrives at the gates of heaven.
St. Peter asks, "Religion?"
The man says, "Church of England."
St. Peter looks down his list, and says,
"Go to room 24, but be very quiet as you pass
room 8."
Another man arrives at the gates of heaven.
"Religion?"
"Catholic."
"Go to room 18, but be very quiet as you pass
room 8."
A third man arrives at the gates. "Religion?"
"Jewish."
"Go to room 11, but be very quiet as you pass
room 8."
The next man says, "I can understand there
being different rooms for different religions,
but why must I be quiet when I pass room 8?"
St. Peter tells him, "The Jehovah's Witnesses
are in room 8, they think they're the only ones
here."
St. Peter asks, "Religion?"
The man says, "Church of England."
St. Peter looks down his list, and says,
"Go to room 24, but be very quiet as you pass
room 8."
Another man arrives at the gates of heaven.
"Religion?"
"Catholic."
"Go to room 18, but be very quiet as you pass
room 8."
A third man arrives at the gates. "Religion?"
"Jewish."
"Go to room 11, but be very quiet as you pass
room 8."
The next man says, "I can understand there
being different rooms for different religions,
but why must I be quiet when I pass room 8?"
St. Peter tells him, "The Jehovah's Witnesses
are in room 8, they think they're the only ones
here."
••
I don't mind it so much when my wife bitches
at me... She doesn't burp or fart, if she didn't
bitch she'd blow up.
at me... She doesn't burp or fart, if she didn't
bitch she'd blow up.
••
A German was on vaction in Mexico at a lavish
resort.
As the waiter hands him is drink he asks,
"Tell me Carlos, do yo have Jews in Mexico?"
"Ah, Si Senior, we Orange Jews, Grapfruit Jews
and even Grape Jews!"
resort.
As the waiter hands him is drink he asks,
"Tell me Carlos, do yo have Jews in Mexico?"
"Ah, Si Senior, we Orange Jews, Grapfruit Jews
and even Grape Jews!"
••
My son walked over to the sleeping cat and
began gently petting her and telling her that he
loves her.
When out of no where, she jumped up, started
to hiss and scratched the heck out of him.
Needless to say he ran away crying.
But on a positive note, he's prepared for
marriage.
began gently petting her and telling her that he
loves her.
When out of no where, she jumped up, started
to hiss and scratched the heck out of him.
Needless to say he ran away crying.
But on a positive note, he's prepared for
marriage.
••
My wife told me...
That I should try looking at the world from a
woman's perspective.
So I went and stared out of the kitchen window
for a while...
That I should try looking at the world from a
woman's perspective.
So I went and stared out of the kitchen window
for a while...
••
Ma & Pa were on the porch & Pa said,
"You know, Ma, I'd sure like a big bowl of
ice cream."
"OK, Pa", she said, as she shuffled off toward
the kitchen.
"Write it down," he said, "...you'll forget"
"Oh, Pa, don't be silly"
"Write it down" he said, "cause I want some
chocolate syrup on it.", he insisted.
"Ice cream with chocolate syrup" she said, as
she walked into the kitchen.
10, 15, 20 minutes passed and finally Ma came
out & handed Pa a big bowl of oatmeal.
"See, Ma, what'd I tell you....you forgot the toast."
"You know, Ma, I'd sure like a big bowl of
ice cream."
"OK, Pa", she said, as she shuffled off toward
the kitchen.
"Write it down," he said, "...you'll forget"
"Oh, Pa, don't be silly"
"Write it down" he said, "cause I want some
chocolate syrup on it.", he insisted.
"Ice cream with chocolate syrup" she said, as
she walked into the kitchen.
10, 15, 20 minutes passed and finally Ma came
out & handed Pa a big bowl of oatmeal.
"See, Ma, what'd I tell you....you forgot the toast."
••
You’re into middle age when you sit on a rocker
and can’t get it started.
and can’t get it started.
••••
