••
♥
How can you tell when a drummer's at the
door?
He doesn't know when to come in.....
door?
He doesn't know when to come in.....
••
Two guys were stranded on a desert island.
The only way they could get food was to kill
sea birds by throwing rocks at them.
By the time they were rescued,
They had left no tern unstoned.
The only way they could get food was to kill
sea birds by throwing rocks at them.
By the time they were rescued,
They had left no tern unstoned.
••
A Kentucky teacher was quizzing her students.
"Johnny, who signed the Declaration of
Independence?"
He said, "Damn if I know."
She was a little put out by his swearing,
so she told him to go home and to bring his
father with him when he came back.
Next day, the father came with his son,
sat in the back of the room to observe.
She started back in on her quiz and finally got
back to the boy.
"Now, Johnny, I'll ask you again.
Who signed the Declaration of Independence?"
"Well, hell, teacher," Johnny said, "I told you I
didn't know."
The father jumped up in the back, pointed a
stern finger at his son, and said, "Johnny,
if you signed that damn thing, hell, you damn
well better admit it!"
"Johnny, who signed the Declaration of
Independence?"
He said, "Damn if I know."
She was a little put out by his swearing,
so she told him to go home and to bring his
father with him when he came back.
Next day, the father came with his son,
sat in the back of the room to observe.
She started back in on her quiz and finally got
back to the boy.
"Now, Johnny, I'll ask you again.
Who signed the Declaration of Independence?"
"Well, hell, teacher," Johnny said, "I told you I
didn't know."
The father jumped up in the back, pointed a
stern finger at his son, and said, "Johnny,
if you signed that damn thing, hell, you damn
well better admit it!"
••
Apple Inc. has developed a new high tech toilet.
The details are not yet clear, but the company is
torn between two names for the new device:
Either the iPood, or the iPeed.
The details are not yet clear, but the company is
torn between two names for the new device:
Either the iPood, or the iPeed.
••
The year is 2013.
There are machines which can look through
skin and see bones.
There are machines which keep you alive when
your brain and heart have stopped.
There's even a machine that can tell you who
your parents are with a single drop of spit.
However, when I need my prostate checking,
a man sticks his finger up my arsehole and
wriggles it about a bit.
There are machines which can look through
skin and see bones.
There are machines which keep you alive when
your brain and heart have stopped.
There's even a machine that can tell you who
your parents are with a single drop of spit.
However, when I need my prostate checking,
a man sticks his finger up my arsehole and
wriggles it about a bit.
••
I prefer to describe myself as a "Contemporary
Anthropological Interactive Observer" because
it has just the right amount of flair.
Besides...."stalker" is such an ugly word.
Anthropological Interactive Observer" because
it has just the right amount of flair.
Besides...."stalker" is such an ugly word.
••
Johnny: “Mama, I’ve got a stomach ache!”
Mother: “That’s because it’s empty.
You’d feel better if you had something in it.”
As little Johnny is finishing his bowl of soup,
the minister walks in.
During the conversation he mentions that his head
had been hurting all day.
Johnny gave this advice: “That’s because it’s empty.
You’d feel better if you had something in it.”
Mother: “That’s because it’s empty.
You’d feel better if you had something in it.”
As little Johnny is finishing his bowl of soup,
the minister walks in.
During the conversation he mentions that his head
had been hurting all day.
Johnny gave this advice: “That’s because it’s empty.
You’d feel better if you had something in it.”
••
There was once an aspiring veterinarian who
put himself through veterinary school working
nights as a taxidermist.
Upon graduation, he decided he could combine
his two vocations to better serve the needs of
his patients and their owners, while doubling
his practice and, therefore, his income.
He opened his own offices with a shingle on the
door saying,
"Dr. Jones, Veterinary Medicine and Taxidermy
-- Either way, you get your dog back!"
There was once an aspiring veterinarian who
put himself through veterinary school working
nights as a taxidermist.
Upon graduation, he decided he could combine
his two vocations to better serve the needs of
his patients and their owners, while doubling
his practice and, therefore, his income.
He opened his own offices with a shingle on the
door saying,
"Dr. Jones, Veterinary Medicine and Taxidermy
-- Either way, you get your dog back!"
••
My wife kidnapped.
They demanded $10,000 ransom or they'd kill
her.
I asked them to prove they had her.
They sent me a finger.
I told them that it could be anyone's finger.
So far I have 6 fingers, 3 toes, an ear and a
nipple...don't want her back now.
They demanded $10,000 ransom or they'd kill
her.
I asked them to prove they had her.
They sent me a finger.
I told them that it could be anyone's finger.
So far I have 6 fingers, 3 toes, an ear and a
nipple...don't want her back now.
••
“I have a brother 12 feet tall.”
“Impossible!”
“Isn’t it true that two halves make a whole?”
“Yes.”
“Well, I have two half-brothers, each of whom
is 6 feet tall.”
“Impossible!”
“Isn’t it true that two halves make a whole?”
“Yes.”
“Well, I have two half-brothers, each of whom
is 6 feet tall.”
••••
