Down Hummingbird Lane

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♥

I invented a device that religiously records
every single thing you see, say and do
throughout your life in minute detail.
The idea being that you can look back at how
dull and boring it is and then do something to
improve it.
Then I found out Facebook had beaten me to it.

 

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When shouldn't a mountain climber call for
help?
When he's hanging by his teeth.

 

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Q. Why is psycho- analysis so much easier for
men rather than women?
A. Because when it comes time to revert to
childhood, men are already there.

 

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A man run into a very busy doctors office telling
the doctor he has to look at him right away,
I am shrinking , last night I shrank two inches,
The doctor behind the desk looks up at him over
his glasses and says; just take a seat you will
have to be a little patient.....
 

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There are 3 signs to old age.
First is loss of memory.
I forgot the other two.

 

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Faster than a speeding bullet...
more powerful than a locomotive...
able to leap tall buildings in a single bound...
yes, these are some of Chuck Norris' warm-up
exercises.

 

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What did one horse say to the other horse ?
why so long in the face...

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Modern Truisms;
*Alcohol and calculus do not mix.
*Do NOT drink and derive.
* Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.
* Clones are people 2
*Energizer bunny arrested. Charged with battery.
* HONK if you hate noise pollution
 *I almost had a psychic girlfriend, but she left
me before we met.
* I don’t find it hard to meet expenses…
they’re everywhere!

 

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I poured Spot remover on my dog.
Now he’s gone!
 

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IRS: We've got what it takes 2 take what U have.

 

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I got a trophy wife.
I know that's not right to say, cause if you're
married that's your trophy.
I'm just saying not everybody got a first place
trophy.
Some people end up with a plaque.
You marry the neighborhood hoochie,
you get a participation ribbon.

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