Down Hummingbird Lane

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John: "I'm glad you named me John."
Mother: "Why?"
John: "Because that's what all the kids at
school call me."

 

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The newlyweds arrived at the front desk of the
posh ocean-side resort in Hilton Head,
South Carolina, looking all fresh, and eager to
enjoy their two week vacation/honeymoon.
The stunning blonde at the front desk smiled
and said, "Well, hi Jimmy, how ya been lover ?
Long time no see."
A frosty silence prevailed until the couple
reached their room.
 Once inside, the piqued bride demanded:
"And just who was THAT woman ?!?!?"
The groom wiped his brow and said, "Just
relax honey...... Please !
I'm going to have enuff trouble explaining you
to her."

 

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Tips...From the Redneck Book of Manners
Even if you're certain that you are included in
the will, it is still considered tacky to drive a
U-Haul to the funeral home.

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My ex wife told me she is pregnant ,
I say; thought you are on the pill ?
she replies; the pill don't work for me,
every time I stand up it falls out....
 

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Women dream of world peace, a safe
environment, and eliminating hunger.
What do men dream of?
Being stuck in a lift with the Spice girls.

 

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Question: What has 12 arms, 12 legs,
and 12 eyes?
Answer: A dozen pirates.

 

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A bus carrying five passengers was hit by a car
in St. Louis, but by the time police arrived on
the scene, fourteen pedestrians had boarded
the bus and had begun to complain of whiplash
injuries and back pain.

 

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Dear Prince Charming,
You’ve got some explaining to do!
Sincerely, Cinderella, Snow White, Rapunzel, and
Sleeping Beauty......

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"What's this I hear about you breaking off your
engagement Pam ?" said her closest friend.
"Well," Pam confirmed, "although his diamond was
of pretty good quality, his mounting left a lot to be
desired."

 

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A woman asks her husband to buy her a fur coat
for their 25th anniversary.
"HA!" he snorted.
"The day I buy you a fur coat will be the day you
can grow hair on your chest!"
On that she hikes up her skirt, drops her panties,
and thrust her pubic area forward, "There!
I have hair on my chest, now buy me the damn
coat!"
"That's not your chest!" he roars back.
"Damn right it's my chest!" she argued.
"Before we got married, this was your hope chest.
On our honeymoon it was your treasure chest.
Afterwards it became our family chest....
AND IF YOU DON'T BUY ME A FUR COAT...
IT WILL
SOON BECOME THE COMMUNITY CHEST!"

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