Down Hummingbird Lane

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♥

 

Husband, upon meeting ex- after two years of
separation:
"Listen honey, why don't we have a few drinks,
dinner, go to my apartment and really make
love?"
Ex-: "Over my dead body!"
Husband: "You haven't changed a bit"

 

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Dentist: "Would you help me out?
I'd like you to give a few of your loudest
screams."
Patient: "Why, Doc?
It isn't all that bad this time."
Dentist: "Well, there are about 20 people in the
waiting room right now, and I don't want to
missthe five o'clock Braves game on Channel 4."

 

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Here's something I can do now that I could not
do at 21.....
put $20 of gas in a VW.

 

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A simpler, more believable theory is that all the
dinosaurs got married and just quit having sex
all together.

 

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There was a young man named Sweeny
Who spilt some gin on his weenie,
So just to be couth,
He added vermouth
And slipped his girl a martini.
              

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Why do they announce power outages on TV?

 

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“My dad had a hen that would hatch anything.
It once sat on ice and hatched two quarts of hot
water.”
“That’s nothing.
My mother mistakenly fed our hen sawdust instead
of oatmeal for a whole season.
She laid twelve eggs.
When they hatched, eleven of the chicks had
wooden legs, and one of them was a woodpecker!”

 

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Why is economy size in laundry detergent big,
and small in a car?

 

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When people see a cat's litter box, they always say,
'Oh, have you got a cat?'
Just once I want to say, 'No, it's for company!'

 

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Old sailors never die they just get a little dingy.

 

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