••
A friend told me "I can understand why men
don't like vasectomies.
My uncle got a vasectomy, and paid for it with
MasterCard.
He forgot to pay the bill, and the finance
company came over to his house and knocked
up my aunt."
••
Mrs. Culpepper was almost in tears.
"Oh Marie," she said to her maid, "I have
reason to suspect that my husband is having
an affair with his secretary."
"I don't believe it for one minute !"
Marie snapped.
"You're just saying that to make me jealous !!!"
"Oh Marie," she said to her maid, "I have
reason to suspect that my husband is having
an affair with his secretary."
"I don't believe it for one minute !"
Marie snapped.
"You're just saying that to make me jealous !!!"
••
A drunk leaves a bar and decides to take a
shortcut through a graveyard.
It is raining heavily and very dark.
The drunk fails to see an open grave and falls
into it.
He tries to climb out of it, but it is too deep
and the rain has turned the dirt to mud and
has made it too slippery to climb.
He gives up after a while and decides to spend
the night there.
A while later, another drunk leaves the same
bar and decides to take the same shortcut
through the graveyard.
He, too, falls into that open grave and tries to
climb out but the mud is too slippery.
The first drunk is still sitting there and watches
as the other drunk tries but fails to get out.
The first drunk stands up, taps the second
drunk on the shoulder and tells him,
"You'll never get out!"............ He did.
shortcut through a graveyard.
It is raining heavily and very dark.
The drunk fails to see an open grave and falls
into it.
He tries to climb out of it, but it is too deep
and the rain has turned the dirt to mud and
has made it too slippery to climb.
He gives up after a while and decides to spend
the night there.
A while later, another drunk leaves the same
bar and decides to take the same shortcut
through the graveyard.
He, too, falls into that open grave and tries to
climb out but the mud is too slippery.
The first drunk is still sitting there and watches
as the other drunk tries but fails to get out.
The first drunk stands up, taps the second
drunk on the shoulder and tells him,
"You'll never get out!"............ He did.
••
Why does Sea World have a seafood restaurant?
I'm halfway through my fish sandwich and I
realize, Oh my God...I could be eating a
slow learner!"
Why does Sea World have a seafood restaurant?
I'm halfway through my fish sandwich and I
realize, Oh my God...I could be eating a
slow learner!"
••
A man`s wife was very worried about her
husband’s heavy drinking and one night she
decided to give him a fright.
She draped herself in a white sheet and went
down to the local cemetery, knowing that her
husband was in the habit of taking a shortcut
through it on his way home from the pub.
It was not long before he came staggering along,
and out she jumped from behind a headstone.
“Ooooooo!” she wailed, “I am the devil!”
Her husband sticks out his hand.
“Put it there, pal,” he says,
“I’m married to your sister.”
husband’s heavy drinking and one night she
decided to give him a fright.
She draped herself in a white sheet and went
down to the local cemetery, knowing that her
husband was in the habit of taking a shortcut
through it on his way home from the pub.
It was not long before he came staggering along,
and out she jumped from behind a headstone.
“Ooooooo!” she wailed, “I am the devil!”
Her husband sticks out his hand.
“Put it there, pal,” he says,
“I’m married to your sister.”
••
If all babies are cute why are there so many
ugly people in the world?
ugly people in the world?
••
Accomplishing the impossible means only that
the boss will add it to your regular duties.
the boss will add it to your regular duties.
••
Answer machine; A bubble in the space-time
continuum has connected your line to a
channel in the 23rd century.
Any message you leave will be broadcast into
the future.
continuum has connected your line to a
channel in the 23rd century.
Any message you leave will be broadcast into
the future.
••
Teacher: How can you prevent diseases caused
by biting insects?
Suzie: Don't bite any!
by biting insects?
Suzie: Don't bite any!
••
I've never understood the concept of the gift
certificate because for the same $50 bucks,
my friend could've gotten me $50 bucks.
certificate because for the same $50 bucks,
my friend could've gotten me $50 bucks.
••••
