♦♦
♥
At dinner, a little boy was ordered to lead in
prayer...
BOY: But I don't know how to pray
DAD: Just pray for your family members,
friends and neighbors, the poor, etc.
BOY: "Dear Lord" he started "Thank you for
our visitors and their children, who finished all
my cookies and ice cream.
Bless them so they won't come again.
Forgive our neighbor's son, who removed my
sister's clothes and wrestled with her on her bed.
This coming Christmas, please send clothes to
all those poor naked ladies on my daddy's Black
berry and provide shelter for the homeless men
who use mom's room when daddy is at work.
°°°AMEN°°°°
Dinner was canceled.....
prayer...
BOY: But I don't know how to pray
DAD: Just pray for your family members,
friends and neighbors, the poor, etc.
BOY: "Dear Lord" he started "Thank you for
our visitors and their children, who finished all
my cookies and ice cream.
Bless them so they won't come again.
Forgive our neighbor's son, who removed my
sister's clothes and wrestled with her on her bed.
This coming Christmas, please send clothes to
all those poor naked ladies on my daddy's Black
berry and provide shelter for the homeless men
who use mom's room when daddy is at work.
°°°AMEN°°°°
Dinner was canceled.....
♦♦
Hillary Clinton says she and her family stay in
touch by e-mailing a lot.
Bill said, "Yeah, that's why I'm always alone on
the computer in my room, e-mailing my family.''
touch by e-mailing a lot.
Bill said, "Yeah, that's why I'm always alone on
the computer in my room, e-mailing my family.''
♦♦
Never give a woman any kind of household
appliance or something that is going to make
"housework" easier.
For instance, a blender, a toaster, a new vacuum,
one of those mops they advertise on tv that does
everything but suck the life out of you, anything
in a informercial.
The only wise choice is a new washing machine
with a turbo spin cycle.
(Makes laundry day go by pretty fast when you
can at least sit on it during spin-dry and end up
smiling the rest of the day.)
appliance or something that is going to make
"housework" easier.
For instance, a blender, a toaster, a new vacuum,
one of those mops they advertise on tv that does
everything but suck the life out of you, anything
in a informercial.
The only wise choice is a new washing machine
with a turbo spin cycle.
(Makes laundry day go by pretty fast when you
can at least sit on it during spin-dry and end up
smiling the rest of the day.)
••
I was traveling with my wife in Kanyakumari,
India, one of the windiest places on Earth.
Braving our way through the crosswind, we
made our way to the tollbooth where I asked a
bespectacled attendant, "What do you guys do
in Kanyakumari when the wind quits?"
Adjusting his rims, the guy answered, "We take
the rocks out of our pockets."
India, one of the windiest places on Earth.
Braving our way through the crosswind, we
made our way to the tollbooth where I asked a
bespectacled attendant, "What do you guys do
in Kanyakumari when the wind quits?"
Adjusting his rims, the guy answered, "We take
the rocks out of our pockets."
♦♦
A man climbs to the top of Mt. Sinai and gets
close enough to talk to God.
Looking up, he asks the Lord, "God, what does
a million years mean to you?"
The Lord replies, "A minute."
The man then asks, "And what does a million
dollars mean to you?"
The Lord replies, "A penny."
Then he asks,"Can I have a penny?"
The Lord replies, "In a minute."
close enough to talk to God.
Looking up, he asks the Lord, "God, what does
a million years mean to you?"
The Lord replies, "A minute."
The man then asks, "And what does a million
dollars mean to you?"
The Lord replies, "A penny."
Then he asks,"Can I have a penny?"
The Lord replies, "In a minute."
♦♦
Cow at Cranberry Cove...
What do you call a cow murder mystery?
A moo-done-it.
What do you call a cow murder mystery?
A moo-done-it.
♦♦
They had lived together in the backwoods for
over fifty years.
To celebrate their fiftieth anniversary, he took
her to a large city and they checked into a plush
hotel.
She said to the bellman, "We refuse to settle for
such a small room.
No windows, no bed, and no air conditioning."
"But, madam!", replied the bellman.
"Don't 'But madam' me," she continued.
"You can't treat us like we're a couple of fools
just because we don't travel much, and we've
never been to the big city, and never spent the
night at a hotel.
I'm going to complain to the manager."
"Madam," the bellman said, "this isn't your
room; this is the elevator!"
over fifty years.
To celebrate their fiftieth anniversary, he took
her to a large city and they checked into a plush
hotel.
She said to the bellman, "We refuse to settle for
such a small room.
No windows, no bed, and no air conditioning."
"But, madam!", replied the bellman.
"Don't 'But madam' me," she continued.
"You can't treat us like we're a couple of fools
just because we don't travel much, and we've
never been to the big city, and never spent the
night at a hotel.
I'm going to complain to the manager."
"Madam," the bellman said, "this isn't your
room; this is the elevator!"
♦♦
Life is a little easier for attractive people.
Think about it: if a stranger smiles at you and
they're attractive, you think, Oh, they're nice,
but if a strangers ugly, you're like, What do they
want?
Get away from me, weirdo.
Think about it: if a stranger smiles at you and
they're attractive, you think, Oh, they're nice,
but if a strangers ugly, you're like, What do they
want?
Get away from me, weirdo.
♦♦
A fourth-grade teacher was giving her pupils a
lesson in logic.
"Here is the situation," she said.
"A man is standing up in a boat in the middle
of a river, fishing.
He loses his balance, falls in, and begins
splashing and yelling for help.
His wife hears the commotion, knows he can't
swim, and runs down to the bank.
Why do you think she ran to the bank?"
A girl raised her hand and asked,
"To withdraw all his money from his savings
account?"
lesson in logic.
"Here is the situation," she said.
"A man is standing up in a boat in the middle
of a river, fishing.
He loses his balance, falls in, and begins
splashing and yelling for help.
His wife hears the commotion, knows he can't
swim, and runs down to the bank.
Why do you think she ran to the bank?"
A girl raised her hand and asked,
"To withdraw all his money from his savings
account?"
♦♦
Chuck Norris is the only person in history to
receive a Platinum Medal in the Olympics.
receive a Platinum Medal in the Olympics.
♦♦♦♦
