••
♥
What goes "click click, Is that it?, click click,
Is that it?"
Steveie Wonder doing a rubik's cube.....
••
Four married guys go golfing.
During the 4th hole the following conversation
took place:
First Guy: "You have no idea what I had to do
to be able to come out golfing this weekend.
I had to promise my wife that I will paint every
room in the house next weekend."
Second Guy: "That's nothing, I had to promise
my wife that I will build her a new deck for the
pool."
Third Guy: "Man, you both have it easy!
I had to promise my wife that I will remodel
the kitchen for her."
They continue to play the hole when they
realized that the fourth guy has not said a word.
So they ask him, " You haven't said anything
about what you had to do to be able to come
golfing this weekend...... What's the deal?"
Fourth Guy:"I just set my alarm for 5:30a.m.
When it goes off, I shut off my alarm, give the
wife a budge and say, 'Golf Course or
Intercourse?'
So she says, "Wear your sweater."
During the 4th hole the following conversation
took place:
First Guy: "You have no idea what I had to do
to be able to come out golfing this weekend.
I had to promise my wife that I will paint every
room in the house next weekend."
Second Guy: "That's nothing, I had to promise
my wife that I will build her a new deck for the
pool."
Third Guy: "Man, you both have it easy!
I had to promise my wife that I will remodel
the kitchen for her."
They continue to play the hole when they
realized that the fourth guy has not said a word.
So they ask him, " You haven't said anything
about what you had to do to be able to come
golfing this weekend...... What's the deal?"
Fourth Guy:"I just set my alarm for 5:30a.m.
When it goes off, I shut off my alarm, give the
wife a budge and say, 'Golf Course or
Intercourse?'
So she says, "Wear your sweater."
••
Back in the turn of the century in a mining town
out west, a woman walked into a saloon.
Suddenly she realised that she was not in the
general store so she started to turn around and
leave.
As she was doing this, a drunk cowboy seated
at the bar noticed her and said to the woman,
"Come on over, Ma'am, sit yerself down right
here next to me and have yerself a drink.
"Thank you kindly Sir, but I'm afraid that I
couldn't,"replied the woman, "on account that
I need to get bread."
The cowboy replied, "Uh, Ma'am, I do reckon
you came to the right place for that!"
out west, a woman walked into a saloon.
Suddenly she realised that she was not in the
general store so she started to turn around and
leave.
As she was doing this, a drunk cowboy seated
at the bar noticed her and said to the woman,
"Come on over, Ma'am, sit yerself down right
here next to me and have yerself a drink.
"Thank you kindly Sir, but I'm afraid that I
couldn't,"replied the woman, "on account that
I need to get bread."
The cowboy replied, "Uh, Ma'am, I do reckon
you came to the right place for that!"
••
A wife was berating her husband.
He motioned for her to quiet down saying,
"Don't unleash the beast in me."
The wife snickered and replied, "Unlike a lot of
women, 'dear', I'm not the least bit afraid of a
mouse."
He motioned for her to quiet down saying,
"Don't unleash the beast in me."
The wife snickered and replied, "Unlike a lot of
women, 'dear', I'm not the least bit afraid of a
mouse."
••
This morning, I was beaten up by a busty
woman in an elevator.
I was staring at her boobs when she said,
"Would you please press 1?"
So I did.
woman in an elevator.
I was staring at her boobs when she said,
"Would you please press 1?"
So I did.
I don't remember much after that.
••
What do you call a Japanese drummer boy
whose father has diarrhea?
A slap happy Jappy, with a crap happy pappy.
What do you call a Japanese drummer boy
whose father has diarrhea?
A slap happy Jappy, with a crap happy pappy.
••
She: I don't like you when you're drunk.
He: Then we're even.......
I don't like you when I'm sober.
He: Then we're even.......
I don't like you when I'm sober.
••
Australian Telephone Operator: "G'day mate ....
Helpline here ..... What's the problem?"
Customer: "I'm in the Outback with the
girlfriend and she's been stung on her thigh by
a hornet and now her vagina has completely
closed up!"
Australian Telephone Operator: "Bummer!"
Customer: "Great advice!.... Thanks mate, bye.”
Helpline here ..... What's the problem?"
Customer: "I'm in the Outback with the
girlfriend and she's been stung on her thigh by
a hornet and now her vagina has completely
closed up!"
Australian Telephone Operator: "Bummer!"
Customer: "Great advice!.... Thanks mate, bye.”
••
Dog’s letters to God:
How come people love to smell flowers,
but seldom smell each other?
Where are their priorities?
When we get to heaven, can we sit on the couch,
or is it the same old story?
We dogs understand human verbal instructions,
hand signals, whistles, horns, clickers, beepers,
scent IDs, electromagnetic energy fields,
Frisbee flight paths.
What do humans understand?
If there are postmen in heaven, will we have to
apologize?
May I have my testicles back?
How come people love to smell flowers,
but seldom smell each other?
Where are their priorities?
When we get to heaven, can we sit on the couch,
or is it the same old story?
We dogs understand human verbal instructions,
hand signals, whistles, horns, clickers, beepers,
scent IDs, electromagnetic energy fields,
Frisbee flight paths.
What do humans understand?
If there are postmen in heaven, will we have to
apologize?
May I have my testicles back?
••
'LSD makes users lose weight'
That makes sense, it's kinda hard to get to the
fridge when there's a dragon guarding it.
That makes sense, it's kinda hard to get to the
fridge when there's a dragon guarding it.
