Down Hummingbird Lane

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♥

What do you call a nun in a wheelchair?
Virgin Mobile...

 

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Alan tells me about his son and his son's new
under-wear with superheroes on it. 
One morning he comes runninginto the
bedroom, grabs the front of his pants and
annouces proudly, "Ive got Superman in my
pants, Daddy. 
What haveyou got in yours?" 
Before checking, I turned to my wife,
"Well, how should I answer him?" 
She was too busy laughing.

 

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A man took his wife to the doctors.
After a short examination the doctor said
"Your wife's mind has completely gone!"
To which the man replied "I'm not surprised.
She's been giving a piece of it to me every day
for the past 25 years!"

 

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Henry Abel's son, David, burst into the house,
crying like everything.
His Mama asked him what the problem was.
"Pop and I were fishing, and he hooked a giant
fish.
Really big.
Then, while reeling it in, the line busted and
the fish got away."
"Now come on, David," his mother said, "a big
boy like you shouldn't be crying about an
accident like that.
You should have laughed."
"That's what I did, Mama."

 

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A little boy asked his Dad: What’s between
mom’s legs?
The father answers: Paradise, my son.
The kid asks again: What’s between your legs?
The father replies: The key to the paradise.
The son says: Piece of advice Dad, change the
lock, the neighbour has a duplicate key.

 

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Two male giraffes walk into a bar.
The both order a cocktail.
When the drinks are served, each takes a sip.
One turns to the other and says,
"Man, I just love having high balls!"

 

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A woman was in bed having sex with her
husband's friend, when all of a sudden the
telephone rings, she answers.
After hanging up she says, ''That was Harry,
but don't worry, he won't be home for a while.
He's playing cards with you.''

 

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I got home very late last night from a poker
evening with my mates.
The wife was of course waiting up, ready to
moan as usual.
"Stop!" I said.
"Don't even bother getting pissed off.
Pack your bags.
I lost you in the poker game.
You're moving in with Bob."
"How could you do such a terrible thing?"
she whined.
"Wasn't easy," I said.
"You don't normally fold with four aces." 

 

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How's everyone holding up?
It's crazy out there!
I've killed 15 zombies so far!
And why the hell are they all carrying candy?

 

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After taking LSD I found myself in my back
garden, violently stabbing a grass snake.
Anyway, now I've sobered up, I realize I
probably owe my mom a new hose.

 

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