I expect to see lots of these this Halloween...
••
♥
Our receptionist, (yes, she is a blonde), often
takes orders to call out for pizza on nights we
work late.
One night, after placing an order for two pizza's
from around the corner, we asked her how
long it would be.
She said she was told 40 minutes.
When we commented to her that we thought
that was a long time, she responded "that seems
about right, it takes 20 minutes to cook
a pizza and we ordered 2 of them".
takes orders to call out for pizza on nights we
work late.
One night, after placing an order for two pizza's
from around the corner, we asked her how
long it would be.
She said she was told 40 minutes.
When we commented to her that we thought
that was a long time, she responded "that seems
about right, it takes 20 minutes to cook
a pizza and we ordered 2 of them".
••
I do system support in a law firm.
The other day I had to log a user off and then
back on.
I entered her initials and then she just gave me
her password (Rule No. 1 broken).
Her password is genius.
After three tries and the system telling me
"access denied," I asked her how to spell it.
She said, "G - E - N - I - O - U - S."
The other day I had to log a user off and then
back on.
I entered her initials and then she just gave me
her password (Rule No. 1 broken).
Her password is genius.
After three tries and the system telling me
"access denied," I asked her how to spell it.
She said, "G - E - N - I - O - U - S."
••
A fellow in a bar notices a woman, always alone,
who comes in on a fairly regular basis.
After the second week, he made his move.
"No thank you," she said politely."
"This may sound rather odd in this day and age,
but I'm keeping myself pure until I meet the
man I love."
"That must be rather difficult," the man replied.
"Oh, I don't mind too much," she said.
"But, it has my husband pretty upset."
who comes in on a fairly regular basis.
After the second week, he made his move.
"No thank you," she said politely."
"This may sound rather odd in this day and age,
but I'm keeping myself pure until I meet the
man I love."
"That must be rather difficult," the man replied.
"Oh, I don't mind too much," she said.
"But, it has my husband pretty upset."
••
Why are politicians like diapers?
Both should be changed regularly and for the
same reason.
Both should be changed regularly and for the
same reason.
••
Many years ago my just married young cousin
moved into an upstairs apartment and invited
some of her women friends over for the evening.
She put out snacks and then came out with a
cake that looked like a disaster.
She apologized and said she didn't know what
happened to the cake because, she explained,
"I even used the high altitude directions because
I live upstairs."
moved into an upstairs apartment and invited
some of her women friends over for the evening.
She put out snacks and then came out with a
cake that looked like a disaster.
She apologized and said she didn't know what
happened to the cake because, she explained,
"I even used the high altitude directions because
I live upstairs."
••
Danny, a college student, also worked as a
part-time pizza delivery boy.
One day he arrived at Mr. Thompson's residence
to deliver pizza.
After taking the pizza, Mr. Thompson asked
Danny, "How much tip do you get normally?"
"Well," replied Danny, "this is my first trip to
your place, but the other boys say if I can
manage to get a quarter out of you, I'll be doing
just fine."
"Is that so?" said an offended Mr. Thompson,
"Well, just to prove them wrong, here's five
dollars."
"Thanks," replied Danny, "I'll put this in my
college fund."
"What are you studying in college?" asked Mr.
Thompson.
Danny gave a quick smile and said,
"Applied psychology."
part-time pizza delivery boy.
One day he arrived at Mr. Thompson's residence
to deliver pizza.
After taking the pizza, Mr. Thompson asked
Danny, "How much tip do you get normally?"
"Well," replied Danny, "this is my first trip to
your place, but the other boys say if I can
manage to get a quarter out of you, I'll be doing
just fine."
"Is that so?" said an offended Mr. Thompson,
"Well, just to prove them wrong, here's five
dollars."
"Thanks," replied Danny, "I'll put this in my
college fund."
"What are you studying in college?" asked Mr.
Thompson.
Danny gave a quick smile and said,
"Applied psychology."
••
You can only be young once, but you can be
immature forever.
immature forever.
••
There was a elderly widow who lived in a large
mansion.
She was feeling generous when it came to
Thanksgiving, so she called up the local
military base, and asked to speak with the
lieutenant.
"Please send up four nice young men to eat
dinner here on Thanksgiving, but please, don't
send any Jews........ Please, no Jews,"
The lieutenant replied, "No problem ma'am,
and I am sure I speak for the army when I say
we all appreciate your kindness."
Well, Thanksgiving rolled around, and the
widow went to answer the door when it rang.
She was surprised to see four black recruits.
"But... But... There must be some mistake,"
she stammered.
One of them replied, "No ma'am,
Lieutenant Goldstein doesn't make mistakes."
mansion.
She was feeling generous when it came to
Thanksgiving, so she called up the local
military base, and asked to speak with the
lieutenant.
"Please send up four nice young men to eat
dinner here on Thanksgiving, but please, don't
send any Jews........ Please, no Jews,"
The lieutenant replied, "No problem ma'am,
and I am sure I speak for the army when I say
we all appreciate your kindness."
Well, Thanksgiving rolled around, and the
widow went to answer the door when it rang.
She was surprised to see four black recruits.
"But... But... There must be some mistake,"
she stammered.
One of them replied, "No ma'am,
Lieutenant Goldstein doesn't make mistakes."
••
TEACHER—"Now, Willie, where did you get
that chewing gum?
I want the truth."
WILLIE—"You don't want the truth, teacher,
an' I'd ruther not tell a lie."
TEACHER—"How dare you say I don't want the
truth!
Tell me at once where you got that chewing-gum."
WILLIE—"Under your desk.
that chewing gum?
I want the truth."
WILLIE—"You don't want the truth, teacher,
an' I'd ruther not tell a lie."
TEACHER—"How dare you say I don't want the
truth!
Tell me at once where you got that chewing-gum."
WILLIE—"Under your desk.
••
ON DEEP THOUGHTS
A day without sunshine is like night.
A day without sunshine is like night.
••••
