Down Hummingbird Lane

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♥

"Well, I finaly retired my old car", said the old
man.
His pal ask, "Did you junk it or trade it in?"
"Naw nothing like that, I put four new Michelins
on it."

 

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A nurse walks into a bank to deposit her pay
check.
She reaches into her purse to pull out a pen to
sign her check.
To her dismay, she pulls out a rectal thermometer.
Medical thermometer
In frustration, she throws her arms up and
shouts, "Oh, great!... Some asshole has my pen!

 

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I bought a book on eBay called, 'How to scam on 
eBay'.
That was two months ago, and it's not arrived yet.

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Spot!" I said.
"Here boy! Come on.
Come to daddy.
Here boy!" I patted my legs, waved a stick, made
a panting noise.
Nothing.
He didn't move a muscle.
Honestly, goldfish are so stupid.

 

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I'm emotionally constipated.
I haven't given a crap in days.

 

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Brenda asked her friend Dara,
"Why did you cut a hole in your new umbrella?
Dara replied,
"How else am I supposed to know when it stops
raining?"

 

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Mommy, Mommy! I don't want to go to Australia.
Shut up son and keep swimming.

 

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When the judge called the case of People vs. Steven
Lewon Crook.
The bailiff opened the door to the holding cell and
called, "Crook, come forward."
Five of the prisoners entered the courtroom.

 

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"Doctor, please help me. I'm so stressed," says
the patient.
"I keep losing my temper."
"Tell me about your problem," says the doctor.
To which the patient replies, "I just did, jackass!"

 

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One student fell into a cycle of classes, studying,
working and sleeping.
Didn't realize how long he had neglected writing
home until he received the following note:
"Dear Son, Your mother and I enjoyed your last
letter.
Of course, we were much younger then, and
more impressionable........ Love, Dad."

 

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