••
♥
Two male rabbits were introduced to a colony
of female rabbits for breeding.
The experienced male says to the other:
“ Let’s not be greedy.
You start at one end, I’ll start at the other, and
we both meet in the middle.”
The other agreed, so they started.
The experienced would always thank his female
as he finishes with her, “ Thanks, Suzy… ta,
honey…thanks, darling….. SORRY FRED!”
••
A priest lived next door to a rabbi.
They were always jealous of each other.
Whatever one did, the other would try to outdo.
If one had a Jacuzzi in his back yard, another
would have a swimming pool.
One day the priest came home with a brand new
Mercedes.
Not to be outdone, the rabbi bought a brand new
Bentley.
The rabbi is watching TV when he hears funny
sounds.
He looks out the window and sees the priest
baptizing his new car with holy water.
The priest feels satisfied and goes indoors, all
smug.
He is reading the paper and hears strange buzzing
sound.
He looks out the window and sees the rabbi
sawing 1” off the exhaust pipe.
They were always jealous of each other.
Whatever one did, the other would try to outdo.
If one had a Jacuzzi in his back yard, another
would have a swimming pool.
One day the priest came home with a brand new
Mercedes.
Not to be outdone, the rabbi bought a brand new
Bentley.
The rabbi is watching TV when he hears funny
sounds.
He looks out the window and sees the priest
baptizing his new car with holy water.
The priest feels satisfied and goes indoors, all
smug.
He is reading the paper and hears strange buzzing
sound.
He looks out the window and sees the rabbi
sawing 1” off the exhaust pipe.
••
The price of chess pieces was going up.
I had to buy quickly, so I decided to contact my
pawn broker.
I had to buy quickly, so I decided to contact my
pawn broker.
••
A policeman stops a lady and asks for her license.
He says "Lady, it says here that you should be wearing
glasses."
The woman answered "Well, I have contacts."
The policeman replied "I don't care who you know!
You're getting a ticket!"
He says "Lady, it says here that you should be wearing
glasses."
The woman answered "Well, I have contacts."
The policeman replied "I don't care who you know!
You're getting a ticket!"
••
Mommy, Mommy! Why's everybody running?
Shut up and reload.
Shut up and reload.
••
This morning as I was buttoning my shirt, a button
fell off.
After that, I picked up my briefcase, and the handle
came off.
Then I went to open the door, and the doorknob
fell off.
I went to get into my car, and the door handle came off
in my hand.
Now I'm afraid to pee.
( You're doing better than a friend of mine..
He was engaged to a contortionist till she broke it
off. )
fell off.
After that, I picked up my briefcase, and the handle
came off.
Then I went to open the door, and the doorknob
fell off.
I went to get into my car, and the door handle came off
in my hand.
Now I'm afraid to pee.
( You're doing better than a friend of mine..
He was engaged to a contortionist till she broke it
off. )
••
"...My husband and I are getting a divorce
because of religious differences.
I'm Methodist and he's Satan."
because of religious differences.
I'm Methodist and he's Satan."
••
The lecturer was rambling on about danger
inherent in food: Meat was poison, as was fish,
water had germs… he spotted an old man, bored
and half asleep.
He pointed to him and asked: “ You sir, can you
tell me what it is that most of us eat one time or
another that eventually kills us?”
He replied: “ Wedding cake!”
inherent in food: Meat was poison, as was fish,
water had germs… he spotted an old man, bored
and half asleep.
He pointed to him and asked: “ You sir, can you
tell me what it is that most of us eat one time or
another that eventually kills us?”
He replied: “ Wedding cake!”
••••
