#2120

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"I was in a very generous mood today," a woman
says to her friend.
"I gave a poor beggar $25."
"Thats a lot of money to give away," says her
friend...... "What did your
husband say?"
"He said, 'Thank you'. "

 

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A man goes on a business trip to buy goods for
his store.
After a few days, he sends his wife a telegram
that he was still busy buying.
Each week for three weeks he does the same
thing.
At the end of the fourth week, there was a
message waiting for him.
“Come home at once before I start selling what
I think you are buying!” 

 

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A Collection Of Insults;
- One diamond short of a ring.
- One dimension short of reality.
- One drool bib short of neat and tidy.
- One drop short of an empty bladder.
- One flower short of an arrangement.
- One flying buttress short of a cathedral.
- One Froot Loop shy of a full bowl.
- One fruit short of a basket.
- One gene short of a full chromosome.
- One hot pepper short of an enchilada.
- One live brain cell away from being a talking
monkey.
- One miracle wouldn't be enough to help him.

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Q: If Dan Quayle, Bob Packwood and Bill Clinton
participated in a spelling contest, who would win?
A: Dan Quayle. He's the only one who knows that
"harass" is one word.

 

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I saw the most beautiful cars in the window of a
dealership.
A salesman came out and said "come on in.
They're bigger than ever and they last a lifetime!"
Later I discovered he was talking about the
payments.

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A family is on vacation.
A frog crosses the road and the husband, who is
driving, is able to stop the car.
He gets out and takes the frog and carries him to
the side of the road.
The frog is grateful, thanks the man and tells
him that he will grant him a wish.
The man says, "Please make my dog win the next
dog race."
The frog asks to look at the dog, which limps out
of the car.
The frog notices that the dog only has three legs,
it very fat, and can barely move at all so he tells
the man that he thinks it is almost impossible to
fulfill his wish and asks that the man will tell
him another wish.
The man says, "Well, then please make my wife
win the next beauty contest in the area."
The frog asks him to tell his wife to get out of the
car.
Wife comes out of the car and approaches the
frog.
The frog turns to the man and says,
"Could I please have another look at the dog?"

 

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Q. How is playing the bagpipes like throwing a
javelin blindfolded?
A. You don't have to be very good to get people's
attention.

 

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Robert had invited his friend Sam for dinner.
When Sam arrived, he was shivering from the
cold.
The winter being treacherous, Sam commented,
"It is really cold outside today."
Robert asked, "How cold is it?"
Sam replied, "It is colder than my mother-in-law's
kiss!"

 

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Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a
brick wall in a game of tennis.

 

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