••
♥
Larry's barn burned down, and Susan, his wife,
called the insurance company ...
Susan: We had that barn insured for fifty
thousand and I want my money.
Agent: Whoa there just a minute, Susan; it
doesn't work quite like that.
We will ascertain the value of the old barn and
provide you with a new one of comparable worth.
Susan, after a pause: I'd like to cancel the policy
on my husband.
••
Discovering too late that a watermelon spiked
with vodka had accidentally been served to a
luncheon meeting of local ministers,
the restaurant's owner waited nervously for the
clerics' reaction.
"Quick, man," he whispered to the waiter, "what
did they say?"
"Nothing," replied the waiter......
"They were all too busy slipping the seeds into
their pockets."
with vodka had accidentally been served to a
luncheon meeting of local ministers,
the restaurant's owner waited nervously for the
clerics' reaction.
"Quick, man," he whispered to the waiter, "what
did they say?"
"Nothing," replied the waiter......
"They were all too busy slipping the seeds into
their pockets."
••
I bought a new toy for my son yesterday.
It's a kind of puzzle that has apparently been
designed by psychologists to prepare children for
the harsh reality of modern life.
No matter how you put it together, it's wrong.
It's a kind of puzzle that has apparently been
designed by psychologists to prepare children for
the harsh reality of modern life.
No matter how you put it together, it's wrong.
••
A shapely lady in a bikini walked into the ocean
to take a swim.
A large wave came up and washed over her,
tearing off her bikini top.
She came out of the surf with her arms folded
across her chest.
Little Johnny, playing in the sand looked up at
her and said.......
"Lady, if you're going to drown those puppies,
I'll take the one with the brown nose."
to take a swim.
A large wave came up and washed over her,
tearing off her bikini top.
She came out of the surf with her arms folded
across her chest.
Little Johnny, playing in the sand looked up at
her and said.......
"Lady, if you're going to drown those puppies,
I'll take the one with the brown nose."
••
Two elderly gents are walking their dogs........
and one of the old fellows comments on how hot
it is today, why not step inside this tavern and
have a few cool ones??
The other gent replies that would be great,
EXCEPT they have their dogs with them.
"Not so," said his pal.
"Simply keep your sunglasses on, and follow my
lead, OK?"
His friend replies, "OK.....hope this works!!"
The 1st old timer waltzes in, orders a draft beer.
To which the bartender responds, "HEY......YOU
CAN'T HAVE THAT DOG IN HERE!!!!"
Thinking quickly, the old timer fires back:
"It's OK!!! This is my Seeing Eye Dog!!" Add to
this he's tapping his cane around to "add juice"
to his story.
The bartender reluctantly agrees, and the old guy
with his dog is seated.
Same tale with the 2nd old timer.
The bartender hollars , "HEY......YOU CAN'T
HAVE THAT DOG IN HERE!!!!"
"It's OK!!! This is my Seeing Eye Dog,!!!" the
2nd man pleads.
To which the bartender shoots back: "
A CHIHUAHUA??????"
The 2nd old man begins tapping HIS cane pretty
wildly, back and forth.....he yells,
"THEY GAVE ME A DAMN CHIHUAHUA????????"
and one of the old fellows comments on how hot
it is today, why not step inside this tavern and
have a few cool ones??
The other gent replies that would be great,
EXCEPT they have their dogs with them.
"Not so," said his pal.
"Simply keep your sunglasses on, and follow my
lead, OK?"
His friend replies, "OK.....hope this works!!"
The 1st old timer waltzes in, orders a draft beer.
To which the bartender responds, "HEY......YOU
CAN'T HAVE THAT DOG IN HERE!!!!"
Thinking quickly, the old timer fires back:
"It's OK!!! This is my Seeing Eye Dog!!" Add to
this he's tapping his cane around to "add juice"
to his story.
The bartender reluctantly agrees, and the old guy
with his dog is seated.
Same tale with the 2nd old timer.
The bartender hollars , "HEY......YOU CAN'T
HAVE THAT DOG IN HERE!!!!"
"It's OK!!! This is my Seeing Eye Dog,!!!" the
2nd man pleads.
To which the bartender shoots back: "
A CHIHUAHUA??????"
The 2nd old man begins tapping HIS cane pretty
wildly, back and forth.....he yells,
"THEY GAVE ME A DAMN CHIHUAHUA????????"
••
Nancy told me about her friend Joy's annual
gynecology exam.
While the doctor was "doing his thing", he looks
over at her chart and says, "Hmmm, I see you had
your tonsils out...."
She was surprised that the doctor could tell *that*
from where he was sitting . . .
••
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Agatha!
Agatha who?
Agatha headache.
Do you have an aspirin?
Who's there?
Agatha!
Agatha who?
Agatha headache.
Do you have an aspirin?
••
Have you heard about that new movie,
"Constipation"?
It hasn't come out yet!
"Constipation"?
It hasn't come out yet!
••
Chuck Norris once bowled a 300.
Without a ball.
He wasn't even in a bowling alley.
Without a ball.
He wasn't even in a bowling alley.
••
Chuck Norris is the only person in the world that
can actually email a roundhouse kick.
can actually email a roundhouse kick.
••••
