Down Hummingbird Lane

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♥

The Judge said to the defendant.
"I thought I told you I never wanted to see you
in here again."
"Your Honor," the criminal said,
"that's what I tried to tell the police,
but they wouldn't listen."
 

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Three words to ruin a man's ego...
"Is it in?"
Three words to ruin a woman's ego...
"I don't know"

 

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A kangaroo mom with seven babies in her
pouch told another kangaroo mom,
"These sleepovers are killing me."

 

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Q: Why do some people take an instant aversion
to banjo players?
A: It saves time in the long run.

 

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When I see lovers' names carved in a tree, 
I don't think its cute.
I just think it's strange how many people bring knives
on a date.

 

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Knock Knock
Who's there?
Adolf!
Adolf who?
Adolf ball hit me in the mouth!

 

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"Dave, describe your sex life in two words."
"My what?"

 

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A chicken and an egg are lying in bed.
The chicken is smoking a cigarette with a
satisfied smile on its face and the egg is
frowning and looking put out.
The egg mutters to no one in particular,
"I guess we answered that question."

A man takes his sick dog to the vet.

 

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The vet lifts the dog onto the the operating table,
looks down and says "Say ahhhhhhhhhhh!"
The man looks at the vet and says;
"The dog can't speak".
The vet says to the man "I was talking to YOU.
This dogs dead!!!

 

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She said I don't wear vanilla-scented lotion or
perfume.
Most girls love that crap, but I can't do it.
'Cause I can't be the fat girl that smells like
Rice Krispie treats.
Can't do it.... People are all like, "God,  Did you eat
again?!"

 

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Tina, who is in her teens, goes shopping in a mall....
As she approaches the perfume counter, the
salesgirl shows her several brands like "My Sin",
"Bliss", "Desire", and "Ecstasy".
Tina says to the salesgirl, "Hey, all I want is to
smell nice, I am not looking to get emotionally
involved."

 

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