Down Hummingbird Lane

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♥

 

Thank goodness for Halloween, all of a sudden,
cobwebs in my house are decorations!

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Ode to The Bobbits
There once was a Bobbitt named John
Who thaught he was quite the Don Juan
His wife disagreed
So the next time he wee'd
John couldn't locate his wand.

 

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On Halloween I shouted through to the wife.
"Honey there's a witch at the door what shall I
do?"
 She replied, "Just give her some sweets and
tell her to f**k off."
My mother-in-law hasn't spoken to me since.

 

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"Sometimes when I'm sitting in my car at a stop
light, I imagine myself as Luke Skywalker, and
I close my eyes and concentrate on using The
Force.
Sometimes I have to concentrate longer than
others, but I know it works, 'cause the light
always turns green."

 

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I was about to buy a new computer....
But then it occured to me....The hardest part
of getting a new computer is deliberating
whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses
all over again .

 

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My fat friend's idea of getting involved in sport
is having athletes foot, tennis elbow and a nose
that's always running.

 

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The Bobbitt case sure is a dilly
Though it sounds a little bit silly
He said she's the hacker
Who lopped off his whacker.
She said she was trying to Free Willy.

 

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He opened his credit card statement and then
looked at his wife and then again at the huge
balance.
Money spent frivolously on dresses, shoes and
handbags.
He prays she doesn't find out.

 

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"The first step in curing your addiction to
alcohol, is admitting you have a problem, Dave."
said my counselor..
"Fine.." I replied, "I've got a huge damn problem. 
"But I don't see what the wife has to do with
this though."

 

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All I'm saying is, if this country really cared
about it's people with psychological disorders..
They wouldn't be letting them run the
government.

 

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