••
♥
My favorite part about Halloween is seeing all
the confused Jehovah's Witnesses wandering
around, wondering why they've been given
sweets.
the confused Jehovah's Witnesses wandering
around, wondering why they've been given
sweets.
••
This Halloween the most popular mask is the
Arnold Schwarzenegger mask.
And the best part?
With a mouth full of candy you will sound just
like him.
Arnold Schwarzenegger mask.
And the best part?
With a mouth full of candy you will sound just
like him.
••
A grandmother pretends she doesn't know who
you are on Halloween. ~ Erma Bombeck
you are on Halloween. ~ Erma Bombeck
••
On the night of a Halloween costume party a
couple were having trouble picking suitable
outfits.
After a while the wife got mad and stormed out
of the room.
Fifteen minutes later she came back completely
naked except for a lemon between her legs.
The husband looked at her for a moment and
then stormed out of the room himself.
A few minutes passed and then he returned
with a potato around his penis.
The wife gave him a quizzical look and the
husband said, "If you're going as a sour-puss,
I'm going as a dictator."
couple were having trouble picking suitable
outfits.
After a while the wife got mad and stormed out
of the room.
Fifteen minutes later she came back completely
naked except for a lemon between her legs.
The husband looked at her for a moment and
then stormed out of the room himself.
A few minutes passed and then he returned
with a potato around his penis.
The wife gave him a quizzical look and the
husband said, "If you're going as a sour-puss,
I'm going as a dictator."
••
A sad man walks into a bar......
and the bartender asks him what the problem is.
"My life is awful," the man says.
"Every night, I play Trivial Pursuit with my wife,
and every night she beats me."
"Well, why don't you just stop playing Trivial
Pursuit?" the bartender asks.
"I love the game," the man says.
"I'm a genius....... I never lose."
The bartender is confused.
"I thought you just said your wife beats you."
"Well," the man says, "she's a sore loser."
and the bartender asks him what the problem is.
"My life is awful," the man says.
"Every night, I play Trivial Pursuit with my wife,
and every night she beats me."
"Well, why don't you just stop playing Trivial
Pursuit?" the bartender asks.
"I love the game," the man says.
"I'm a genius....... I never lose."
The bartender is confused.
"I thought you just said your wife beats you."
"Well," the man says, "she's a sore loser."
••
The worst thing about Halloween is, of course,
candy corn.
Candy corn is the only candy in the history of
America thats never been advertised.
And theres a reason -- all of the candy corn that
was ever made was made in 1911.
candy corn.
Candy corn is the only candy in the history of
America thats never been advertised.
And theres a reason -- all of the candy corn that
was ever made was made in 1911.
••
Every time I'm up in court in front of the judge,
I always mumble my answers.
I'll get a 'Pardon?' one of these days.
I always mumble my answers.
I'll get a 'Pardon?' one of these days.
••
Five Jewish men influenced the history of
Western civilization.
Moses said the law is everything.
Jesus said love is everything.
Marx said capital is everything.
Freud said sex is everything.
Einstein said everything is relative.
Western civilization.
Moses said the law is everything.
Jesus said love is everything.
Marx said capital is everything.
Freud said sex is everything.
Einstein said everything is relative.
••
A history joke;
Who succeeded the first President of the USA?
The second one!
Who succeeded the first President of the USA?
The second one!
••
A high-ranking health official in Amsterdam is
taking a strong stance against sugar.
He says sugar is an addictive, dangerous drug that
should be regulated by the government.
He wants to put warning labels on sugar.
This is coming from a place where you can get pot
in your Happy Meal.
taking a strong stance against sugar.
He says sugar is an addictive, dangerous drug that
should be regulated by the government.
He wants to put warning labels on sugar.
This is coming from a place where you can get pot
in your Happy Meal.
••
They have a section called, New Baby.
I don't think you need the word new.
They'd have to clear up confusion.
Do you have an Old Baby section?
Cause my friends had a baby, and I let time get
away from me, and he's 12.
I don't think you need the word new.
They'd have to clear up confusion.
Do you have an Old Baby section?
Cause my friends had a baby, and I let time get
away from me, and he's 12.
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