Down Hummingbird Lane

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♥

 

Looking at a report on prostate exams...
I formed two conclusions:
If the doctor walks in with fingers the
diameters of a woman's wrist, promptly
excuse one's self, and haul ass (literally!),
and be grateful he is not one's wife's
gynecologist. 

 

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A little girl says, "Daddy, I wish I had a little
sister."
Trying to be funny, the daddy says, "Honey,
you do have a sister."
"I do?" questions the confused youngster.
"Sure," responds the dad.
"You just don't see her because when you
are coming in the front door, she is always
leaving through the back door."
The little girl gave this a few moments
thought and remarked,
"You mean like my other Daddy does?"
 

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Last nite I mixed Viagra with laxatives...
I didn't know if I was coming or going.

 

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I was told... you are so stupid that the only woman
that has ever talked to you is the woman in your
gps navigator. 

 

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Did you know; Many dead animals in the past
changed to fossils while others preferred to be oil.

 

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We keep track of the humidity in the air so we
won't drown when we breathe.

 

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Two drunk Irishmen are talking, and one says,
"When I die, I want you to pour that bottle of
whiskey, I've been saving, on my grave."
The second says "I'll do that for you, but do you
mind if I pass it through my kidneys first?"

 

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My wife's cooking is so bad, the homeless gave it
back.

 

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My wife said, "Can you imagine us 30 years from
now?"
I replied, "I can imagine seeing you and saying 'you
look a lot like my ex-wife'."
And life as he knew it, ended quickly and painfully.

 

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How many lawyers does it take to screw in a
light bulb?
How many can you afford?