I haz Cheeseburger....
Trick or Treat....
Now, that's a rig....
••
♥
If it weren't for electricity we'd all be
watching television by candlelight.
- George Gobel
watching television by candlelight.
- George Gobel
••
Overheard on the elevator:
"Their marriage was going O.K. until they
bought a water bed...
then they started drifting apart."
"Their marriage was going O.K. until they
bought a water bed...
then they started drifting apart."
••
The moon shown silver on the waters of the
lake, and the waves that were beating on the
shore were hardly equal in intensity to the
waves of passion nearby.
One ardent couple paused long enough for
the young man to whisper, "Darling am I the
first man to make love to you ?"
Her tone upon answering was slightly more
than irritable.
"Of course you are!" she said.
"And also the best too.
I don't know why you men always ask the
same old ridiculous questions."
lake, and the waves that were beating on the
shore were hardly equal in intensity to the
waves of passion nearby.
One ardent couple paused long enough for
the young man to whisper, "Darling am I the
first man to make love to you ?"
Her tone upon answering was slightly more
than irritable.
"Of course you are!" she said.
"And also the best too.
I don't know why you men always ask the
same old ridiculous questions."
••
A blonde is speaking to her psychiatrist.
"I'm on the road a lot, and my clients are
complaining that they can never reach me."
Psychiatrist: "Don't you have a phone in your
car?"
Blonde: "That was a little too expensive, so I
did the next best thing.
I put a mailbox in my car."
Psychiatrist: "Uh ... How's that working?"
Blonde: "Actually, I haven't gotten any letters
yet."
Psychiatrist: "And why do you think that is?"
Blonde: "I figure it's because when I'm
drivingaround, my zip code keeps changing."
A blonde is speaking to her psychiatrist.
"I'm on the road a lot, and my clients are
complaining that they can never reach me."
Psychiatrist: "Don't you have a phone in your
car?"
Blonde: "That was a little too expensive, so I
did the next best thing.
I put a mailbox in my car."
Psychiatrist: "Uh ... How's that working?"
Blonde: "Actually, I haven't gotten any letters
yet."
Psychiatrist: "And why do you think that is?"
Blonde: "I figure it's because when I'm
drivingaround, my zip code keeps changing."
••
Why do Black widow spiders kill there mates
after mating?
To stop the snoring before it starts..
after mating?
To stop the snoring before it starts..
••
One day this old man was about to have sex
with a young girl which he did not know.
The old man began to put on his condom
when the young girl asked him why is he
putting one on.
She said "you don't have to worry about
getting me pregnant because you are too old
and you don't have to worry about catching
anything because you are going to die pretty
soon anyway".
The old man continued to put on his condom
he then looked up at the girl and said,
"young girl the reason I am putting on this
condom isn't because I am afraid of getting
you pregnant or catching anything.
I just like the scent of burning rubber."
with a young girl which he did not know.
The old man began to put on his condom
when the young girl asked him why is he
putting one on.
She said "you don't have to worry about
getting me pregnant because you are too old
and you don't have to worry about catching
anything because you are going to die pretty
soon anyway".
The old man continued to put on his condom
he then looked up at the girl and said,
"young girl the reason I am putting on this
condom isn't because I am afraid of getting
you pregnant or catching anything.
I just like the scent of burning rubber."
••
Looking at a report on prostate exams...
I formed two conclusions:
If the doctor walks in with fingers the
diameters of a woman's wrist, promptly
excuse one's self, and haul ass (literally!),
and be grateful he is not one's wife's
gynecologist.
I formed two conclusions:
If the doctor walks in with fingers the
diameters of a woman's wrist, promptly
excuse one's self, and haul ass (literally!),
and be grateful he is not one's wife's
gynecologist.
••
A little girl says, "Daddy, I wish I had a little
sister."
Trying to be funny, the daddy says, "Honey,
you do have a sister."
"I do?" questions the confused youngster.
"Sure," responds the dad.
"You just don't see her because when you
are coming in the front door, she is always
leaving through the back door."
The little girl gave this a few moments
thought and remarked,
"You mean like my other Daddy does?"
sister."
Trying to be funny, the daddy says, "Honey,
you do have a sister."
"I do?" questions the confused youngster.
"Sure," responds the dad.
"You just don't see her because when you
are coming in the front door, she is always
leaving through the back door."
The little girl gave this a few moments
thought and remarked,
"You mean like my other Daddy does?"
••
Last nite I mixed Viagra with laxatives...
I didn't know if I was coming or going.
Last nite I mixed Viagra with laxatives...
I didn't know if I was coming or going.
••
I was told... you are so stupid that the only woman
that has ever talked to you is the woman in your
gps navigator.
that has ever talked to you is the woman in your
gps navigator.
••••
